Your Child's Friend

Why is good parenting so hard?

Can I just say that out loud? Well as "out loud" as keys typing can be.

I don't want to be their best friend---but yet I kind of do.

But really, even a best friend, doesn't let you be a plain disaster, a good friend steps in.

I just want to let them play, but I know they need to do school and be responsible humans who eventually need to cook, clean and provide for themselves.

When I draw the line, when I call back inside, when I give a direction, when I assign a chore--- the storm erupts and I remember the story from school of "Pandora's box". Should I just say "never mind" and let them go back to being self-absorbed-only-one-in-the-world-revolving little humans just so that at least they behave more pleasantly in the short term. There would be no crying, not fits, no strong will excerted towards me. Just smiling happy self indulgent little ones.

Oh, but I know this path little one.

At the end of the day I wished I could have just given you everything you wanted, but its just not good for you. I promise you'll grow up to be a lonely, unsuccessful, and unhappy person. Even if you can hide behind your strength or beauty or alcohol or job title.

True happiness comes when you learn what its like to lay your life down for your friend. Like your Savior did for you. It's not about just you. Its not about pleasure and temporary happiness [preaching to the choir now in place]. It's about obedience that leads to a joy unspeakable.

Honoring the only one worth honor everyday by living out His Word.

So, right now, you can't let me listen to a song in the car without throwing a fit because "you don't like it", but my hope is one day you can listen to an entire album your wife wants to listen to in the car. Not because you can really stand it, but because... you learned to love... a long time ago.

By the way, if my hope comes true, and your marriage is successful...

You're welcome.

Sincerely,

a good best friend

Supernatural Dreams

I dream.

The problem has been... I don't usually pay much attention to my dreams. After all, it's just bad pizza right? 

Or is it?

The words: dream, dreams, dreamed, dreamer, dreamers, and dreameth are mentioned 123 times in the bible. Twenty-one of those are actual accounts of dreams God gave people in the bible...that He used for his purposes & glory.

Seems like more than bad pizza right?

Earlier this year I went to a Christian dream workshop that focused on educating me on how God might be using dreams in my life. I think the biggest take away I had was that I really needed to honor my dreams. I needed to make an effort to wake up, write them down, and ask God more about them.

When I read the bible, I don't just blow it off as some random document written for someone else, I believe He's giving me these living words right now for my right now situations. I chew on them, I write them out, I digest them, I ask Him questions about them... why not the same for dreams?

Clearly, they are biblical. Then, why are we so afraid of them? Why are we so afraid to pursue what was inside of them? Why are we afraid to talk about them in a serious way? Why have we let the secular community monopolize on something God created? Why do we brush them off? Why don't we ask God for more dreams?

I did. 

Immediately after the dream conference, I asked God to speak to me more specifically and often in my dreams and He did. And He's continued to. He spoke to me specifically about a person and when I checked in with them, what I dreamed, had happen to them. It was something I could never have known on my own. It was specific y'all. I believe God gave the dream to me because He wanted me to minister to that person and to wake me up to the fact that He still speaks through dreams!!!

I think God wants to use dreams in all of our lives, not just mine, to reveal His love & will to us.

Go ask Him.

When you wake up, write it down. Share with me too if you want!

Job 33:14-16

For God may speak in one way, or in another,
Yet man does not perceive it.

In a dream, in a vision of the night,

When deep sleep falls upon men,

While slumbering on their beds,

Then He opens the ears of men,

And seals their instruction.

What God Said To Me

[source]

God has many names. 

In John 1, it tells us that God was the Word and the Word was God.

Clearly God likes to chat. After all, He invented it.

Something the Lord is continuing to teach me this month is that He's always speaking.

As I am experiencing a particularly difficult time right now I asked the Lord what He wanted to talk about and He said "fireflies". Okay Lord. Relationships are about intimacy, and intimacy is about communication, and communication is about understanding and understanding comes from questions. So, Lord, "What about fireflies?" 

He showed me a picture in my mind, of a field covered, and I mean covered, like nothing I'd ever seen before... even in a movies. The picture was a grassy meadow just covered in fireflies. I, being the faith-filled believer I am, quickly went to verify that this actually happens on Google. Sorry Lord. Ha, as it turns out, He did know what He was talking about. It does happen.

Later that day, I happen to over hear a song in the car by Owl City titled Fireflies. Subtle Lord, real subtle. The lyrics that resinated with me quickly were---

I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly

It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep

'Cause everything is never as it seems.

Everything is never as it seems.

Through both word, picture and song, the Lord comforted my heart this day reminding me that everything is never as it seems.

It seems like the Lord has forgotten me. 
It seems like there's not enough.
It seems like we're missing God.
It seems like a nightmare.

When really--- He'll cover a field in fireflies somewhere in the world and have them shoot it and upload the picture to google and play a song in my car if thats what it takes to remind me He's still here.

But the truth is---

The Lord has not forgotten me.
There is more than enough.
We're not missing God.
Knowing Him is an eternal dream I never have to wake up form.

I hope wherever you are today--- He sends you fireflies and songs to remind you, He's here with you.

Things You Don't Learn In A Book

This has been a year, even though not even half over, of deep teaching. The Lord has been rooting out old habits and old ways of thinking in both my husband and I. 

It's painful.

It has not been fun.

It's good.

But it's hard.

I have to agree with the cliche "bitter sweet."

Sweet to discover another piece of God's heart for us. Another morsel of truth. Bitter to endure the lesson it took to learn it. I asked my husband many times this year already, "Couldn't the Lord have just let us read this in a book or something". Ha. I know that's not how lessons are learned. Hearts are changed through trials. Oh boy, have we been through them this year.

The verse the Lord gave us this year is James 1: 2, 3, 4

"Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 

knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.

But let patience have its perfect work,

that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."

I should have known to head to the basement for shelter when He spoke that to us, right? I remember thinking... what trials? We are "living the life", that scripture doesn't even apply to us. And please don't mention that scripture again to me, it makes me feel nervous. It's like praying for patience. Don't be dumb. There are things you just don't say out loud, right? Ha.

Well we've successfully found the "various trials" part, the "testing of your faith" part, and the "lacking" part. Now, to keep seeking the fullness of these scriptures.

Give us all Joy Lord, not happiness, but Joy in the face of any and all unpleasant circumstances.

Make us patience, and we learn to have faith in your goodness.

Complete your work in us.

Let us lack nothing you have for us--- in the natural, supernatural, relationally, physically. In all things.

My prayer for anyone who reads this as well.

Thirty

30 good decisions I've made to date

surrendering this short existence for a glorious eternity
attempting to be a authentic and vulnerable person
taking God's word literally
learning & practicing how to hear God's voice
learning & practicing how to walk in the gifts of the spirit
going to youth group
going to counseling and inner healing classes
going on mission trips
reading Redeeming Love
making and keeping best friends throughout my life
giving up tanning, fake nails, colored contacts, push up bras, and hair coloring
going to Kennesaw State University [and starting KGBS bible study]
being apart of a college group
always going to church
staying in a multitude of counsel
having mentors

marrying Charles
buying a house [and buying a second house]
building a self employed business

having kids ...and early in marriage ...and close together
keeping at it till i got a girl
homebirths

staying at home with my kids

homeschooling

working through hardships with family
joining and staying with a small group
learning how to use a camera

over photographing my life

giving the whole organic/natural life a chance

writing [by keeping a journal and writing a blog]

I Do Hard Things

Havilah Cunnington.

I had never heard of her, and maybe you haven't either, but I'm about to recommend her bible study, "I Do Hard Things" to you because she's awesome sauce.

She recently came to our church for a conference all the way from Redding, CA [Bethel Church] and I immediately liked her. She's hilarious, straight forward, but still brings the truth drenched in love.

Let's be real, anyone who has 4 little kids like myself, I worship with reverent understanding of their daily toil. Say all you want about your 5 hour alone time coffee, 4 bible translations and journals spread about on a Monday morning... but tell me you're still following Jesus after keeping 4 boys under 5 alive and I'm all ears.

Probably my favorite quote from the weekend was...

"Most days I met God between the washer and the dryer" #shehadmeatlaundry #momlife #realtalk

Or maybe it was when she said "We've had 4 kids in 5 years... Now we don't kiss, we don't hug, and we definitely don't get in hot tubs anymore." #shewasjoking #dontbeoffended

If you're looking for a very very very practical bible study on how to deal with and heal from the things life throws at us, I highly recommend this to you. Here's just a few nuggets I took away front the weekend...

• Hard things happen to all of us. Some we ask for by our poor choices and some just happen to us [we didn't do anything to deserve them]. Understand the difference. Don't confuse the two. 

• We all have a "yard" God holds us responsible for caring for. Boundaries are crucial to keeping the things in your yard [marriage, children, career, ministry, etc] thriving and alive. Lack of boundaries is often a sign of disobedience. You can't change others trying to get into your yard, or control your yard, but you can change how much exposure you have to those people.

• It doesn't matter that you fail, it's how you deal with your failure. Repent quickly, and stop rehearsing what you did...He knows. Take the file out of the "failure" folder and put it in the "forgiven & learned from" folder.

Let me close with this. It's the only bible study I've probably completed since having 4 kids.

It was the perfect amount of homework and depth. There is a video series you can purchase to go along with it, but she also has a youtube channel where she does a daily video to correspond with each day.

God Teaches Me Math

i feel defeated

i feel a bit hopeless about the after-baby-from-three-other-kids-too-weight

i miss writing

i feel like i don't have anything to say

i like taking pictures, but nothing else that has to do with processing or sharing them

i'm thankful for friends who encourage me

i wish i wasn't addicted to sugar and processed carbs

i feel ashamed

i've been working really hard to train my child in the way they should go but some days make me question if it's all been worth the effort

i couldn't have properly IG today's events without scaring some people from having children

i'm thankful my husband has grown leaps and bounds in listening, validating and comforting me

i need to spend more one on one "fun" time with each kid

i needed that picture today Nation drew of him and I where he wrote "mom is good at teaching me"

i think i drank four cups of tea today to try to keep from comfort eating

i need my heart to be comforted so i don't over eat so much

i love that God speaks to me

i'm scared if He has big things in store for us, I prefer the small and manageable

i've really been enjoying American History

i don't like to write because i don't like negative comments

If it's hard...it's me. If it's stressful...it's me. If it's failing...it's me. I'm trying to do so many things in my own effort. I feel like I'm short cutting it by doing it alone and not wasting time waiting years before a silent God...all the while my Daddy is sitting next to me waiting to show me the real short cut.

Him.

I see this all the time when I teach new math to my children and they brush away my hand and tell me to shush because they already know how to do it which results in crying, a blank answer, and me repeating, "Are you sure you don't want my help with this?"

I think that's what God is saying to me today regarding my health & rearing my kids...

"Are you sure you don't want my help with this?"

A Sandy Month

Our month started out with a family beach trip [with a day of Disney thrown in] and ended with a girls only [my 5 Beth Moore table Amiga's] beach trip. Lot of packing, driving, and sand. Oh, but I love the beach. Even if it's the second year in a row I've gotten "bitten" by a sea shell, got an infection and had to see a Dr for antibiotics. Even then. I have just humbly accepted I now get to accompany my swim dress next year with water shoes. Even my doctor agreed...they are dorky. However, cheaper than a Dr visit. #Jesuscomebacksoon

Aren't you glad I didn't post a picture of the foot infection? That was a special privilege for my IG friends.

I would say this month the theme was---No one has it all together. Even though I know this...I forget this. Am I alone? God highlighted to me how important honesty, venerability, and transparency are. But also reminded me not everyone does this. What you see on social media, or even what they tell you out of their own mouth may be a Candy Land version of their home life. And what does it matter anyways? You're already God's favorite so stop trying so hard to be better than so and so and feel better after you tear her down. #guilty

You win. You're awesome, no one else is. Are you happy now? No. That's dumb.

God showed me to cheer when friends have victories I don't have. To ask for prayer [and advice] when they have something I'd love to have [weight loss!] and present myself to my friends as "not having it all together".

Honesty sets others free.

Sugar coating, puffing up, hiding the mess, skipping over the real...just leads to everyone else striving towards something unrealistic.

There are two types of people. Those who pee in the ocean and those who say they don't. Everyone is a mess, especially those who don't say they are. So embrace your messiness...you've got a clean God!

What June Taught Me

June was filled with lots of swimming. A braves game, or two. Trip to the Zoo. Golf camp, Tennis camp and VBS. Trip to the lake. More swimming.

Also this summer, Charles and I took a course at our church called Arise. I wrote down some amazing things God showed me through the class in June in my journal. Some of which I will now relay to you...as my good friend Sarah would say... "you're welcome"

One was called Journal Activation. Fancy for, talk to God, write down what He says.

Three questions our teacher suggested...

1-What do you want me to give to you today?

2-What do you want to give me in exchange?

3-What do you feel when you look at me?

So, God might say something to me like a word, or I might see a picture, or hear a song, etc. Like lots of noise, and then I say "God what was all that noise about?" and he might say "I want you to give me all the noise in your life" and then I'd ask, "What do you want to give me in exchange for that?" and the might reply "Rest, Peace, Quiet, Being Still, Selah..." and Then I'd ask what he thinks when he looks at me and he might say or show me something. Like a stream, and I have the impression that it's so nice to be around and quiet and relaxing. God...you think I'm relaxing? [I don't think I am! ha!] He sees the potential in me though! He's encouraging me to trade what's not of Him, for what is of Him, that I might be who he sees I am.

Sounds simple right? Well, it is and it isn't. It is easy because God is always talking, and he deeply desires for his sheep to hear his voice. However, it can be hard because the world is so loud and the enemy is so determined we often miss the opportunity. We're impatient or we think "that was just me." I found that journaling what the Lord was saying back to me helped me to logically rationalize less because I was just flowing and writing it.

Did God really just say that about me?

I can't begin to tell you how encouraging it was to hear God. So try it. Just ask God, and write down whatever you hear. If it lines up with scripture, take it.

13 Resolutions for 2013

I literally just exhaled starting this post. I'm exiting a difficult year and entering a new year with great hope and anticipation. [And a female offspring!] Last year wasn't a year to really focus on my hobbies like photography, blogging, and scrapbooking. It was a year to focus on my marriage and carrying for our new child [both in womb and then outside]. Marriage restoration is on the upswing and my little piece Heaven is already 3 months old.

Looking back over my new years resolutions of 2011 and 2012, there really is little reason to make a new list because those lists still encompass my "To-Be" list. It's hard for someone like me who is such a "To-Do" lister to pause and remember it's not just about doing, but it's about being. Once again I reach for those things that I know would bring glory to God this year. One of those not being grammar. Sorry, maybe when I start teaching that such stuff to Nation I will learn how to properly form sentences and spell words...until then, apologizes for another year of blog posts driving you crazy.

1. One Year Bible with my husband [I love the OYB and have done several times, but this year for the first time I'll be doing with my husband!]

2. Prioritize hearing God's voice [listen more!]

3. Be generous [I want to be known as a generous person in time & money---I want to truly enjoy giving more than receiving]

4. Champion a cause that echos God's heart [I have always been fond of the works of Passion, but love their heart for ending slavery for the 27 million still in it]

5. Try 13 new restaurants [in the greater Atlanta area with my husband on date nights]

6. Hug, hold, play and speak encouragement into my kids [even more...look for ways!]

7. Lose 50 pounds [first part of the year I'm focusing on exercise until Heaven is nursing less, then Weight Watchers again]

8. Learn how to use my camera more [I have some books, videos, and online resources I want to make more use of]

9. Blog again [that's right, not just post photos or late Thankful Thursdays, but actually write---encouraging moms hopefully world wide]

10. Family & Friends get saved [Pray & be available...I want to see some of those lost in my life come to know Jesus!]

11. Learn to sew? [this is a stretch, but maybe now that I have a girl it's about time!]

12. Conquer meal planning & cooking [For the zillionth year in a row I desire to cook more regularly...this may be more of a stretch that sewing]

13. Read more [12 books a year turned out to be 6 last year, not too shabby, trying for 12 books again]

What are you resolutions?

Something We Eat With Breakfast

It takes about 2 minutes and I'd much rather read this than a horoscope.  It feels like a little letter from Jesus every morning. Plainly written, but hidden inside is all His Word. I keep it in the kitchen and try to remember to eat it with my breakfast. Some days I catch up...

This was one of those grocery store impulse buys. Either way, I'm a sucker for 365 anything. I have three boys so naturally this is fitting. It's short and sweet, and even sweeter to hear them pray the prayer with me! I like that it focuses on character.

Anything fun y'all read in the morning?

Cleaning, Comparing and Crushed Goldfish

I am torn between wanting to spend all my time cleaning to be [and appear] like I have it all together or relax and do my best while still maintaing a pleasant relationship with my husband and children. After all, isn't it ever mans dream to have a tightly wound overly busy wife and clean floors? Don't kids like when mom [today] yells into thin air nonsense about floors, carpets, and dishes?

But then again...doesn't every good mom have a clean house? All the time? It matters, a lot, right? I can hear the judgmental thoughts in my head "well I do it...there's no need to make excuses...you could do it."

I'm suppose to care about what God cares about, right? Not about what I care about. Namely [and apparently]...looking good to other people. Also known as, people pleasing.

You know the ironic thing? Just yesterday I asked the Lord to speak to me...anything. Just speak. I completely and totally expected a long list of things for me to do to better please him. You know like "pray for this country" "take so and so a meal" "read this book" "sleep more"

You know what He said--- "You're a good mom".

Stopped me right in my tracks. Huh? *tears* Really? The God of the universe just wants to---encourage me? Not give me something to do or improve on? It's no surprise to me that 24 hours later I'm being attacked with every judgmental and preforming demon within a 50 mile radius.

So let's get this straight. You, are healthy. Know Jesus. Are married to a man that deeply & dearly loves you. Have 4 beautiful healthy children you have the privilege of being with all day. Live in America. Practically live a royal lifestyle compared to the rest of the world. All your needs are met, and most of your wants. And you're worried/stressed/have anxiety/a tightened chest/have cried today over the fact that maybe your house isn't always as clean and organized as you like?

*Clears Throat* You have a three month old right?

But She...

Ahh Comparing.

Because my life is exactly like hers and it's completely fair to compare our lives. Oh and biblical [ha!]. Our husbands are the same. Have the same job. Work the same hours. Help and encourage us the exact same. We have the same amount of kids, same ages, same sex, same personalities and struggles. Our houses are the same size too. So it's completely understandable why I want to be the best version of her instead of doing my best to be the best version of me.

Bottom line. I care what people think more than what pleases God.

God wants me to do what He's doing. If He's cleaning my house---I'm cleaning my house. If He's spending time with my kids, I'm spending time with my kids. So on and so forth. He knows me. He knows what I do with my time and He knows how hard I work. He knows I'm not lazy and He knows I love to clean and organize. He knows I chose my husband, my kids, and yes why even myself [resting!] over chores. He doesn't send guilt my way and He isn't asking me to change anything. He's perfectly pleased with the verison of myself.

He knows I'm doing my best. But I'm so worried people will look at the crushed goldfish on my floor and not see it too.

At the end of the day, I want to be known as a woman who loved Jesus, her husband, her children, her family & friends mightily. Not as the woman whose floors were the cleanest they'd ever seen. At this rate of chasing Jesus half the time and chasing people's approval the other half. People will end up half loved around me and my floors will end up half neglected as well. My calling is to love well. Clean, yes, but because it's necessary for order---not appearance.

Can you have both? Maybe you can. I currently don't. The point is, I need to be happy for you, and content with me.

So if you come to my house and it's not perfectly clean, organized, or decorated. Maybe you can appreciate the smiles on my husband & kids faces---because mommy didn't yell into thin air today. She just did her best. And that's all her Creator asked her to do.

So moms---if you haven't heard lately---You're a great mom. Just do your best. Be the best version of---You. Not "Her".

12 Resolutions for 2012

Last year, I made 11 resolutions. It was a bit hard looking back over them, feeling like I'd missed the mark [or 11], but a goal written down is better than no goal at all...right? All were achieved at least in part. That's what another new year is for...or so I'm telling myself.

To be honest, I wasn't at all prepared for the new year. It might have been because I hosted my first New Year's Eve party and we were still playing cards after 3 am, and my baby woke up for the day at 7 am. I think I probably should have made my list with a lot more thought and prayer, but I wrote some down on scratch paper while I was working out on the elliptical instead.

I love beginnings of years, I love beginnings of months and weeks, but I don't like failing. I know that none of "my plans" can happen without the Lord. I know that in all my efforts, I will surely fail, but in Christ, I can do all things. Especially those things He is calling me to do, and not just me thinking I should achieve. So, I don't really feel like I know already what all the Lord is calling me to in 2012...but here is a stab in the dark at it.

1. Inviting His Presence Into My Life More
Through more worship music in the house, more family devotions,  more listening to my audio bible, more reading The Word on my phone, more praying for my husband & kids while at the sink, and more conversing with Him as I go about my day. In 2010, God taught me a lot about prayer, and finding time for His word. I loved all the Beth Moore bible studies and growing in the Lord with my girlfriends. There is always room for more---especially this year.

2. Putting My Husband First
Something God really has been teaching me about for the last two years. In all the small ways I put him first, he becomes first in my life in a big way. Serving, not looking to be served.

3. Loving My Kids
Only second to my husband, my kids are my ministry. I'd love this year to be a year where I grow more in training, teaching, and loving my kids. I guess the goal is---the least amount of therapy later in life needed. I had a period of last year where I struggled a lot with anger and yelling, it ceased for a good bit, but when some situations in life resurrected those heart issues in me---anger has reared it's head. I don't want to be angry in my heart. So maybe a SOZO. This goal also includes reading a few more books on parenting and reprograming my mind to practice what I preach. Patience. Slow to Anger. Sharing. Kindness. Selflessness.

4. Sleep
I'm a night owl, I've said it a zillion times. I'm spoiled because my kids sleep all night and take great naps so I can too...on occasion. With homeschooling and working out, sometimes I just can't---to which I rely heavily on caffeine and Jesus because otherwise I'm just a hot mess waiting to explode on the next person because I'm so sleepy. So many of my problems in life are solved with 8 hours of sleep under my belt. I'd love this to be the year I highly value those 8 hours of sleep in a row at night.

5. Cooking
Probably only second to complaining about my lack of self control when it comes to going to bed on time, is my complaining about my lack of persevering in the area of cooking. I'm lazy. I'm really good with a plan. E-mealz really helps me. So does meal planning, only I tend to weave in and out of consistency in those departments. Another great goal this year would be if I could become more of a planner and follow through. I still don't enjoy cooking, but I always enjoy when my husbands happy and when we're all around the table at night at a meal I made for them. Last year was the most meals I've ever cooked, so it was definitely a start. Health is always my goal, and the more we eat in the healthier it is. Saves money too. I need a rad 3 meals a day plan for this year.

6. Lose Weight
I hate to say it, it's so cliche, but it's a fact of [my] life. I was 225 when Moses was born and lost 20 before Weight Watchers, and 20 after, but have been stuck at the glorious 185 for so many months I don't remember. I really wanted to get pregnant about 6 months ago, but have really struggled with losing the next 20-30 pounds to put me back at my pre-baby weight. I can do it. It's not impossible, it just takes more self control and effort that I've given it so far. I haven't done my best, I'm not proud of it, but I am where I am and I'm ready to ask for mercy and try again. Not being pregnant has been really upsetting to me as "my plan" hasn't been happening, but we don't see the wisdom in getting pregnant on purpose when I'm so overweight. Weight Watchers worked, but became very difficult for me to keep up with while homeschooling & keeping up with this big house. I don't have a food plan at this point [never a good thing!], but I'm listening. I want one. My only goal in this department is to use my new elliptical at home for an hour a day...everyday...in as much as that is possible. A habit I really want to get into. Then---my reward---get pregnant!

7. Reading

Last year my goal was to read 12 books. I think I ended up around six. [1] Radical [2] Crazy Love [3] For The Child's Sake [4] The Five Love Languages [5] One Thousand Gifts [6] Men Are Like Waffles Women Are Like Spaghetti.  I attribute all this reading to Audible. It was something new I tried last year and I loved listening to audio books. I didn't hit my goal of 12, but it was 6 more books than I would have sat down to read, so I'm thankful, and ready to try again for 12 this year. Another post I'll review the books I read last year.

8. Operation World

My heart is for the nation's. Hence why I named my first son, Nation. Life doesn't really allow to much foreign traveling with all my littles at home, but that's no excuse not to be involved in what God is doing. I bought the book, signed up for the emails, and plan to work through it as a family. I want my focus to be that of a world view, and not of a "I have so much laundry my life stinks" view. Perspective for 2012, please.

9. Be Mentored

One of my biggest "regrets" of 2011 was that I didn't have a personal mentor I spoke with often. I have a few ideas in mind, but I'd love the Lord to orchestrate that for me. I really would love a Godly older woman I could glean from. 

10. Make Disciples

It's a God mandate. Love God and love others. The best way to love others is to: [1] Tell them about Jesus [2] Help them be set free to fully love him [3] Serve them [4] Live life side by side with them. I want this to be a year where I really focus on relationships---at all stages. To some, I need to share Christ for the first time, to others, I need to show them how they can be set free from bondages or be healed, to others I just need to take them a meal or help watch their kids, and most fun of all---live life transparently & peacefully alongside the body of Christ. It's something I want to wake up everyday being mindful of.

11. Scrapbooking

It was this time two years ago when I scrapbooked for the last time. I can't believe I'm even saying that. It's a hobby I really really enjoy, but when baby #3 came, more traveling, blogging, moving, new social life at church, etc etc---personal time for scrapbooking took a huge back burner. I'd love to [1] Make Moses a baby album [2] Do a digital album for 2010 [3] Do a digital album for 2011 and [4] Start a paper album for 2012. I need a plan for this goal as well. Oh, and a lot of time. I love photographing our life and displaying what God has done---it needs to make it's way back as a priority in my life.

12. Look At My Goals Everyday

I think that if I get some practical plans for executing my above 11 goals for 2012, and put them at the fore front of my mind everyday I am much more likely to accomplish them. For sure, waking up to a baby in a dirty diaper, a toddler who needs a drink and an oldest child who is ready to start school---it's easy to forget to pray, read, share Christ, or even brush my teeth. My desire is that I would be Holy Spirit led this year to be a better & healthier follower, wife, mother and friend than I was last year. I'm asking God for His goals, His plans, and His wisdom in executing all them with peace, joy and good fruit! Excited for all God will do in and through me this year. And you too!

What about you? What are your 2012 resolutions?

God Speaks [31 Things I Know]

This I know...

God Speaks

...all the time.

In a world where answers are always needed. Where wisdom is always necessary. And where our own thought are never enough. God speaks.

We feel like He doesn't. We feel like He's absent. We feel like He hasn't heard us. Oh, but He has. He's speaking. 

We don't understand His heart. We don't fathom His goodness. We don't understand His ways...or His timing. But none of this discounts the fact that He is speaking. All-The-Time.

In the majestic glimpse of weed. In letters on a Holy page. In words of hope from a friend.

If I know anything, it's Gods voice. I don't hear it enough. I don't ask enough. And I definitely don't get quiet enough. But, when those words of peace, comfort and will come my way. I know. He's speaking. He's words make sense.

If you wonder if He's there, if you wonder if He cares. Sit quiet, ask Him. Ask Him your question...

...Do you love me?

...What do you think about me?

...What will happen to me?

...Am I enough?

...What do you want me to do?

...Am I making a bad choice?

...Am I in your will?

...

Take what you heart to heart. Check it with The Word, and ask for counsel. Most likely, you've heard.

Like A Flower Out of Soil

Nation brought a flower, like he often does, and some roots. I reached for "his" little spice jar I collect all his flowers for me in by the sink. They are separated---the flower---from the root, but in the water, you almost can't tell.

You know the saying, "like a fish out of water", well sometimes I feel like a "flower out of soil".

I can't decide if I should write to you about what I really want to write to you about, or if I should write to you about what you want me to write to you about...

Heck.

I think I've started cursing Monday's, I'm going to start planning super fun things on Monday's so "the suck" can't creep in. Usually it's the usual---cleaning up weekend house, catching up on laundry---oh and food---hit the grocery store, or wait till---next Monday---after all I can make bread and we can eat stuff out of the freezer all week, right?. Sorry kids, we're out of Cheez-it's, how about some croutons? But really, it's more than that, it's not even those chores that bug me, it's---something---I don't know to be honest with you.

I feel like a flower disconnected from my roots. Out of soil, and floating in water...ironically enough, by the kitchen sink. The kitchen sink where I stand most of my day.

I thank God for food to cook, shopping available, kids who are always full, a house to clean, soap to wash clothes with---inside! Still, "the funk" of Monday lingers. Drowning.

It didn't start off that way, even with 4 extra kids this morning, it was---usually nice. But two disagreements, school later in the day, a dinner I even chose not to eat [ha!] later---I'm crawling into bed early. Tear dried face, and wondering how I did today.

I tell myself.

You helped a friend.

You worked on your business.

You did dishes, laundry, and cooked three meals.

You got everyone to nap.

You schooled a Kindergartner.

[and don't forget]

You were out of your pj's before 9 AM.

Still, I didn't ENJOY my day. Where was my JOY? I live IN my day, but I want to live IN joy.

So when markers are on walls, and shredded cheese, rice and cheerios scatter the floor---I still smile. God, you're so good. Teach me to live IN joy. Turn my Monday's into dancing. You know the joy I feel towards the 3 pairs of eyes that look up to me all day, and the thankfulness I have in my heart for my blessed---abundant---ridiculous lavish life, but let me FEEL it.

Let nothing steal it.

Scripture & Snapshot 42

Scripture & Snapshot 41

Psalm 91:10

In attempt to meditate and memorize The Word more, I spent a few dollars to help create a semi-beautiful way of displaying it. At Wal-Mart I bought the clear refrigerator magnet photo holder for $1 and the picture frame stand for less than $3. I bought enough to put one next to my kitchen and bathroom sinks.

I figure I'll write scriptures out on index cards and leave them there until I memorize them. Changing them out easily when that happens, and the clear plastic helps them from getting wet while we wash our hands or are doing dishes, etc.

How do you get in the habit of memorizing scriptures?

Scripture & Snapshot 40

What Do You Think Of Me?

I've been really kicking myself lately because I've been posting lots of photos of our life, but haven't really made much time for writing writing. [Don't you love the incorrect use of writing words twice to give stronger meaning?...it's not just writing, it's **you know** writing writing... the serious real kind deep thoughts type of blogging.] Okay, I'll be honest, I also miss being funny and hopefully just made you laugh on the other side of this screen. 

Sometimes life is just long and hard and...well...Monday. So you need a good laugh or something to life your heart and help you carry on till Tuesday. [I know I always turn to Pinterest Jesus for this pick me up.]

So I have been trying to ask the Lord more "How"...

How do I pray about this?

How do I do this? 

How do I talk to them? 

How do I put him first? 

How do I take better care of myself? 

How do I crave you and not those hot tamales left over from the baby shower?

[Please say you laughed just now!]

I guess another thing I've been asking the Lord is "What"...

What do you think about me? Then I just wait. Then I grab the first thing in my mind---of course only if it's positive---because Jesus wouldn't give me a condemning answer---it's not His nature. 

So today, I asked the Lord what he thought of me and the picture and answer he gave me really romanticized my heart. That's a not a word, but if you are a woman it is in your dictionary of words that don't exists until moments like this and they it does. Romanticized. Okay, spell check isn't correcting it, so maybe it is a word? Nevertheless, it wasn't a stupid question to ask because he was quick to answer. [Trying to be funny again.]

I think sometimes I crave unnecessary attention from my husband, a piece of chocolate, or a flattering word from a stranger because----I don't know who I am or if I matter to someone. Not like just someone, but someone someone. Not just a person on earth though, because even after the attention, the chocolate and the compliant---I still crave more. Yet, somehow when it comes from the Lord, his thoughts towards me FILL me. 

I promise you my love tank will be full for a few days just thinking about what the Lord said to me about what he thinks about me. Candra. Not all of man kind, or all believers or every daughter out there---but what God thinks about Candra. The one and only [---to him.]

So I dare you---ask the Lord---What do you think about me? 

Then enjoy those sweet morsels he gives you.

[They have less calories than chocolate.]

Scripture & Snapshot 39

I appreciate the wisdom or Proverbs, and the diversity of thought God put into even the shades of apples. A few week ago we visited an apple orchard and this is what we brought home.

Speaking of field trips---there is one mommy would like to go on by herself---but it's all sold out. Thankfully there is someone giving away a ticket and I'm trying to win it!