When You Feel Like All Your Parenting Is For Nothing

I never want to forget tonight. After a heated discussion with my oldest I sat and cried out to Jesus (even with R rated language) and asked Him for wisdom and love to deal with my children. Who, after lots of spiritual effort, I can still be left feeling like it's all just moving backwards, but in moment like tonight when my son came back to me and he spoke with such truth, repentance, understanding and love...I am renewed. 

He asked if we could pray together and I didn't feel like I was sitting by a rebellious 9 year old, but a mature 18 year old (just a little shorter than he'll probably end up!). 

Letting go of controlling people and behaviors

and trusting Jesus to do the heart changing is the only way to go. 

I felt so sure it was all for nothing until he said back everything I had ever poured into him so heartfelt. Nothing is moving backwards---it's all moving forward. He told me "you're an almost perfect mom" (and I knew instantly one day that would be a book chapter). He's an exact type of person. First he said I was perfect, but remembered no one was, so next best was --- almost perfect. Aren't we all?

He told me to keep doing what I was doing to help him grow up to be wise and in that moment I knew that all my labor wasn't in vain and neither is yours.

The Hardest Part Of Parenting For Me

Have you ever had the carousel operator at the zoo stop the entire ride just because your child was not sitting on the carousel properly?

Well now I have.

Actually, even though I warned all three of my boys, all three of them were not properly riding on the ride while I was a few animals away holding my 2 year old daughter on one. For the love! I mean, what is he doing? Yoga meditation? Nothing about this brings mommy Zen, nothing.

The hardest part of parenting for me is not getting my idendity wrapped up in my kids behavior.

Hands down.

I don't mind the laundry, or the dishes, or the potty training or the hot days at the park as much as I mind the [extreme exaggeration coming up prepare yourself] constant embarrassment children bring. If it wasn't enough to have one kid peeing in the bushes, or one kid standing on top of your car, or one kid running circles around you in a store--- I thought it was a good idea to have four.

And I want more.

Because I think I have a subconscious desire to be the most humbled person on the planet.

I didn't say humble. I said humbled.

Don't get me wrong, I love those four like no other. But the way they act sometimes makes me feel like everything I have done has been for nothing. All the talks, all the discipline, all the restrictions, all the scripture, all the heart-to-hearts, all the TIME!

I told a friend today, I feel like I spent hours mixing, baking, icing, and decorating a cake to have someone trip me and I slip and fall and watch it crash in front of everyone at the party. When I've spent all week teaching and training you first time obedience, and given you consequences I wish you didn't make me, and I've spent all the time talking to you about your heart and then as soon as the words leave my mouth---

"ride on the ride correctly"

your first thought is to stand on the animal, or not hold onto the animal, or jump on and off the animal

I honestly want to go get your ears checked.

But really--- It's my heart that needs the checking.

You are kids.

I'm not making excuses for you, or your sin, but two wrongs don't make a right.

When my first words aren't "You disobeyed mommy and therefore disobeyed God"

but they are "You have humiliated me, you have embarrassed me"

I know my heart needs just as much grace and change as yours.

You are kids.

You are flesh in the flesh.

Sure you've been introduced to Jesus, or may even know him, but boy are you on the starting line of letting your life be step by step directed by him.

I want you to be perfect and flawless and most of all make me look good.

I want all my hard work TO SHOW.

Because this is a performance right?

I need to remember in this moment, this is what kids do, they fail, and they need a trainer. They need someone who can love, direct and yes discipline them. What they don't need is me being shamed by how it made me look to others.

I had two friends there today and I wanted to crawl in a hole. Why does it always feel like when your kid messes up, they are the only ones who ever have? Why do you feel like the only mother whose kids aren't always behaving? Why do you feel like the other mother failure?

The only thing I've failed at is birthing perfect kids. And so has every other mother in the world.

Let our identity be in who God calls us, not in our kids performance.

Daughter.
Enough.
Beautiful.
Powerful.
Strong.
Graceful.

Your Child's Friend

Why is good parenting so hard?

Can I just say that out loud? Well as "out loud" as keys typing can be.

I don't want to be their best friend---but yet I kind of do.

But really, even a best friend, doesn't let you be a plain disaster, a good friend steps in.

I just want to let them play, but I know they need to do school and be responsible humans who eventually need to cook, clean and provide for themselves.

When I draw the line, when I call back inside, when I give a direction, when I assign a chore--- the storm erupts and I remember the story from school of "Pandora's box". Should I just say "never mind" and let them go back to being self-absorbed-only-one-in-the-world-revolving little humans just so that at least they behave more pleasantly in the short term. There would be no crying, not fits, no strong will excerted towards me. Just smiling happy self indulgent little ones.

Oh, but I know this path little one.

At the end of the day I wished I could have just given you everything you wanted, but its just not good for you. I promise you'll grow up to be a lonely, unsuccessful, and unhappy person. Even if you can hide behind your strength or beauty or alcohol or job title.

True happiness comes when you learn what its like to lay your life down for your friend. Like your Savior did for you. It's not about just you. Its not about pleasure and temporary happiness [preaching to the choir now in place]. It's about obedience that leads to a joy unspeakable.

Honoring the only one worth honor everyday by living out His Word.

So, right now, you can't let me listen to a song in the car without throwing a fit because "you don't like it", but my hope is one day you can listen to an entire album your wife wants to listen to in the car. Not because you can really stand it, but because... you learned to love... a long time ago.

By the way, if my hope comes true, and your marriage is successful...

You're welcome.

Sincerely,

a good best friend

Q&A Giving Another Mother Advice

You asked:

"How do you give other mothers advice...are you frustrated when they don't take it?"

1-Advice Without Permission

I don't pretend to be relaying this correctly, but I hear a lot of my friends who attend a local church here say it. Essentially, first and foremost, always strive to make sure that your advice was requested first. Rebuke is biblical, but we aren't talking about sin here, we're talking about should they or shouldn't they do such and such with their babies/toddlers/kids, etc. The difference between back sleeping or no back sleeping or homemade babyfood or store bought is important, but isn't necessarily eternally significant. Thus, if someone seems to be struggling or parenting foolishly [to you]...

-pray that God would allow an opportunity to speak into their lives if it's His will

-ask them "would you like some advice on this?" if you sense no, or they say no, wait & keep praying

2-Plank Humbly

No, I'm not suggesting that you lay across two chairs with humility. I'm suggesting you heed this biblical warning...

"Why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?" -Matthew 7:3

By nature, I think it's easier to see the flaws in others [and their children] verses ourselves and our own families. We don't necessarily notice that our child is a picky eater, but we sure notice their child doesn't seem to sleep enough. I think we need to walk in humility, and make sure that our advice comes out of a place of love for the other mother, and her child, and not out of a place of policing other people and their failures. Personally, I struggle with this, and have to have God help me not judge them in my heart, as well as keep my mouth shut if I don't have anything to say in love.

3-Sharpen, Refresh, Ignore

To recap, if you have permission to give advice & you feel like it's coming out of a non-judgemental place then share with love. Remembering that we truly do have God-given-individual wisdom, encouragement, talents, and insights to share with others. Us moms, we need each other. I can't begin to explain the value of the wisdom I've learned from other mothers.

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." -Proverbs 27:17

Share what has worked for you to hopefully bring a solution to their dilemma. Tip: I usually follow up all my advice with "it works for me, but it may not for you, every family is different" I think this is a safe disclaimer. More than likely they are already feeling overwhelmed and insecure so don't add to it with your condemning "help". Just because you notice something they do wrong, doesn't mean it's God's timing to share with them. Be spirit-led. Water them as you share.

"...whoever refreshes others will be refreshed." -Proverbs 11:25

When you share, prepare yourself, that it's likely they will completely ignore your advice and continue doing the same old thing [producing the same old results] and continue to complain as if they know no better. This happens. You've probably be on both ends of this too. Some people really just like to complain and don't really want to change. For others, it takes time to "try" your advice. And sometimes your advice just works for your family, but not theirs.

Be okay with that.

Our charge isn't to fix other moms and their problems, our charge is to encourage one another in the faith. If they asked, you answered, and they either don't like it or never used it, you still did the right thing. As far as Jesus is concerned, mission accomplished on your end. You don't have control over what they do with the wisdom you give them. It's up to you if you continue to give them advice or not. All you can do is pray for them and know their complaints hold little weight, as they are unwilling to change or try anything.

4-Just Wait

Pretend with me. You have your first child and they just so happen to sleep, eat, and play with others perfectly. You pat yourself on the back and shake your heads at all the other moms obviously struggling so hard with theirs. "Why don't they just do what I do?" "They must be doing something wrong" "Gosh, my kid never did that". Then, you have a second child...

Suddenly, even with the same parenting style & schedule--- this kid doesn't sleep, eat, and play with others so perfectly. You scratch your head, then find yourself wanting to hid under a bush [the same bush you built out of your own seed sowing of judgmental thoughts]. "What happen?" "I did everything the same" "Maybe this is what happen to so-and-so, that I was so convinced was all her fault." You swallow a big spoonful of humble pie. Not all children are created equal.

If you practiced #3 above, and you sowed refreshment instead of judgement, this scenario will play out much more kindly.

The thing is, no one really knows but Jesus. No matter what it looks like, we can't ever be positive it is or isn't the mother [or fathers fault]. Yes, we can judge a tree by it's fruit, but we aren't there 24 hours a day, and we don't really know all the personal, financial, relational, natural or supernatural elements at play. It's possible it's completely the mothers fault, but it's equally possible it's not. Who are we to judge and decide?

I suggest, you just wait.

At this very moment, you may feel like you're the perfect parent and have it all figured out...thus your calling to "help" all the rest of us. However, I offer this wisdom, just wait. It happens to all of us, in one form or another, something will send us crying to Jesus in repentance for judging others so harshly.

Inevitably, something will come along your way that you never expected that will completely humble you in the area of parenting. It may be their first two year old tantrum at the mall, when they pee on their sibling in the backyard during a play date [personal experience], or when your amazing sleeper suddenly decides they no longer are. The list goes on.

No one has it all figured it. Not even you.

Let's all agree to just help one another in love.

God being our model. Be gentle.

Carry your friends and their children in your heart.

"He tends to his flock like a shepard: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."

-Isaiah 40:10-12

Wild With Wonder

What I really think matters to God when it comes to teaching little ones...

There are lots of books out there that show the most amazing human beings who weren't textbook feed. They were saturated by fellowship with family & friends, and encouraged to get outside and get dirty. They were given opportunities to feel, touch, see, experience--- be curious about the world.

They were read to a lot. They were free to really experience life, not just hear and test on it. Especially with younger children, this is not the time, in my opinion, to worry about "can they write their name?" "can they count to 20?" blah blah blah. Will they eventually learn that? Sure!

But what a shame to have a naughty brat, who doesn't know their parents or the Lord well, who is lazy when it comes to reading or investigating but excels on paper with A's. What a waste. God wants our children to be fully alive in Him, and for now, you are the closest picture of God to them. You are the closest, most tangible piece of Jesus.

Make their brains go wild with wonder.

Don't shove papers and pencil in front of them yet. They will have the next 20 years to learn that way.

Above all else, I'd suggest you...build Godly character in them [sharing, responsibility, thankfulness, service, etc] and focus on having fun, reading, exploring, and playing.

Two words---Enjoy them.

Bragging On Your Kids

I looked in my rear view mirror today at a boy on the back row. Only 5. I remembered all the times I've been frustrated with him. So frustrated. Years ago even. What was he...4? 3? 2? He's still a child. He was an even small child. I forget. I forgot. They aren't grown adults, they are children. Learning. I looked at him in the mirror today and tried to remind myself to remember. Remember he's a child. A child who is going to be loud, break things, fight with his siblings...none without excuse or consequence, but now, hopefully with a little more foresight---on my part. It's going to happen. He's 5.

I talk a lot about the things he does. Some good. Mostly bad. Maybe some funny. You don't want to be "that" parent who brags. But do I really wanna be "that" parent who only shares the horrid incidents of the day? I think I need to remember, and talk about, more---the moments like above. When a boy. Just 5. Builds. Creates. Reads directions [like even his mother almost 6 times his age can't].

Don't worry, I'll still share our struggles. And by "ours" I mean a first born mom, and a first born son. But I hope I remember to write, photograph, and share more of the amazingness of him. To gossip to my girlfriends about the way he teaches his little crying brother to make a soccer goal when he was benched in his own defeat. The way he brings his newly pregnant mother drinks and snacks "for the baby". The way he talks about The Lord...at only 5.

Sometimes I think we talk bad about our kids to avoid being "that" parent who brags too much, but maybe at the cost of being "that" parent who is like "that" wife, who only talks negative about her husband. We laugh at her stories. But we also soon recognize the fall of their marriage. A wife who builds her husband up [even if he's fallen] is a good thing, we know. But what of a mom who builds up in speech her [also fallen] son? A wise habit we should all get in the habit of.

Nation--- you amaze me.

Dear Judgmental OnLooker

I read this yesterday, and it got me thinking...

Why are we so hard on each other? I mean, if you have kids surely you've been in a situation where they have embarrassed you or done something awful you didn't expect them to. It makes me really sad thinking back over the times when my kids have acted out or made a huge mess and I was around "friends" or strangers who made me feel like the-worse-mom-on-the-planet.

Motherhood is hard enough. So...please, next time you feel the need to not lend me a hand, not tell me, "it's okay", not hold the door open for me as I'm dragging a tantrum toddler to the car---please know...

You're next. 

And when it happens to you, [Jesus help me] I hope I'll be the friend or kind stranger, you were not. And one more thing...

Dear judgmental onlookers,

Yes, my kid just took off his pants and slid down the inflatable slide naked, but aren't you thankful it was because he just went pee pee in the potty and not the bounce house?

Yes, my kid just threw a huge tantrum at the ice cream store, but aren't you thankful I threw away his ice cream and didn't give him what he wanted? [You'll thank me later if he ever works for you]

Yes, my kid is only 2 years apart from his sibling, and that sibling 2 years apart from his sibling, and yes...I want more. 

I know you think I look overwhelmed, tired, and are considering sending in an application for me to What Not To Wear as I have 3 children pulling on my stained sweat pants, but just so you know... 

I wasn't looking for an perfectly kept, easy, predictable, boring life---that's why I had kids!

Sincerely,

I wouldn't have it any other way

***

Disclaimer: I'm not saying, if you don't have kids your life is perfect, easy, predictable and boring, I'm saying [in my experience] having kids is not those things [all the time]. For sure, I know lots of singles, or married folks who live adventurous-i'm-jealous-of lives! And I know lots of people with children who dress better than me, I'm only poking fun at myself, so don't get your feelings hurt please. Just laugh [at me!] Love all y'all!

Thankful Thursday Top Ten 46

Thankful This Week For:

1. Slightly sunburned shoulders around the Georgi house, earned by hours of endless backyard fun though

2. Sprinklers, local lake beach, neighbors/friends/families pools, local water park...all keeping us wet & cool this hot summer

3. VBS. Nation went two years ago, but was a wee bit young and although he made it all week he didn't do so well. This year, he's doing great & obeying, but his teacher told me he has more energy than she's seen in a boy...ever. And she's been teaching a-long-time. Thank you for the pat on the bat Mrs. VBS

4. Having three boys. Although two would appear less work, I think life is easier when Nation is here all day. Oddly enough. I don't think having less is easier, I think the more older children you have the easier. It's the younger ones that wear us mommies out [well...until the teen years?].

5. What Beth Moore taught this week...we only get one life, so let's make it wild and absent of boredom [although I'm not sure with little kids that's ever optional]. 

"It's not a wild ride if you're driving, it's only a wild ride if you're the passenger and He is driving."

6. Store bought bread, disposable diapers, and paper plates...as we still unpack, adjust and settle in. 

7. Last nights thunderstorm. We ate dinner with all the lights off and all the downstairs blinds open, and when we went to bed we opened all our blinds upstairs in our bedroom and watched the show.

8. My middle child, who is getting very close to being completely potty trained. He's wearing undies all day and having very few accidents. Most importantly, he's telling mommy when he has to pee before instead of after he does ; ) 

9. Seeing a glimmer and glimpse of supernatural restoration, hope, and healing happen before my very eyes for a friend

10. Community. Not everyone has it. I definitely take it for granted. Thankful for my church, my small group, my best friends, and my family. 

Ask God today if someone you know could use a real friend.

A Walk To Remember

Last night was one of those nights where I walked out of the house [to go walk] listening to all three kids fussing or crying as Charles was putting them to bed.

I turned around a few times and debated just staying in to keep cleaning, but I shut the door.

Outside at 8:30 PM a gorgeous sunset and music on my iPod awaited me as began to lap my neighborhood over the next half hour. The quiet. The absence of fighting or disobedience. The non-mess-to-clean pavement. Sweating and exercise never seemed so appealing.

"Jesus..." I asked, "why is something so lovely [family] so draining?" 

[What am I doing wrong?]

Yes, the kids need to help around the house more and yes, we need to be more scheduled...

But what else am I missing?

That's when I believe I heard that my expectations were tripping me up. 

I expect, for whatever reason, that I'll wake up in the morning and all things will be quiet. There will be no need for me to train, discipline, or teach. There will be no messes for me to clean, and things will go as smoothly as if I was the one being catered to and taken care of. I must think that, even as foolish as it sounds because when I have to...

fold
sweep

clean
serve

train
wipe

die to self

prepare a meal

cook a meal

clean up after a meal

I may not always complain with my lips, but I complain in my heart. "Why does this take so long" "Why does cooking make such a mess" "Why do I work so hard so that dinner can be so loud and chatoic" "Why doesn't this look like the movies?" "Why do the kids go to sleep and my work isn't done?"

I felt like the Lord reminded me on my walk, that life---isn't suppose to be easy. Life isn't lazy. Life isn't suppose to be one perfect event to another. 

Life is work. Life is serving. Life is others before yourself.

And in that life, there is reward, there is love. There is real life.

So another morning has come and cleaning and cooking and training awaits me, but I hope today I won't approach it all as if it's a shock and surprise "Why is this happening?" but approach it as part of---real life. This is what it is.

Where there is noise, when there is fighting, when there is hands [and bottoms] that need washing---it won't be inconvenient for me, it will be...my calling.

It's work, but it's rewarding.

Training Children To Obey -Love vs Fear-

[flowers from Nation...in a recycled spice container]

I've been reading this book, and it's got me thinking a little different about a lot of things. One in particular, how I get my children to obey.

I don't know all the answers [this just in: no one does], but I think Ms. Susan Schaeffer Macaulay might be onto something. Although her book is primarily based on the ideas of homeschooling...it really is more a book about the philosophy of how children learn and how we can best facilitate that.

She brought up a point in her book [hope I don't misquote her here] that we shouldn't get our children to obey out of fear. Not fear of punishment or fear of man.

For example:
Nation is about to climb on the counter.

I could say:
A. "Don't climb on the counter or I'll discipline you"
B. "It makes mommy really upset when you do that"
C. "Don't climb on the counter it's the wrong thing to do"

Now, climbing counters isn't one of the 10 commandments, but disobeying rules you're parents have set in place [who are under God's authority to raise you up]...is.

The problem with fear of punishment
The idea that we coerce children to do what we want based on "if you do this, then I'll do that" works "great" when we're around, but what about when we aren't there to stand over them to "threaten" them with a punishment? I'm not saying I'm against punishments because I'm not, but I'm rethinking if always throwing the punishment in their face is the proper motivation for getting them to do the desired behavior.

The problem with fear of man
My personality naturally struggles with people pleasing...I know this all too well. If I continue to encourage my children to produce the desired behaviors [not fighting, sharing with others, speaking politely, etc] by following it up with "this makes mommy really happy" or "this makes mommy very sad" or "I'm very upset when you do this" it's possible my children will preform correctly, but not for the right reason.

Which eventually [again, when they aren't around me or are grown] will either produce a person who doesn't care to continue following God's standards because they don't have me around to continue to "please" or they will find someone else to try to please with their behavior.

My daughter might look for a husband to please with her behavior. Only cleaning the house to get her husbands attention and not because it's the "right" thing to do to serve others. My son might find his worth and joy in pleasing his boss. He won't be ethical because it's God's standard, he'll just look ethical when necessary.

Motivation and heart get lost in pleasing a person with seen acts instead of honoring a God who is always looking.


And...


God doesn't want a son who is only afraid of his punishments, but a son who listens and obeys because he loves him.


Instead Macaulay proposes...


We train our children to obey with the motivation of it being right or wrong. Our standard is the Word of God and our motivation is honoring a Holy and worthy God.


"If you love me, keep my commands."


It looks like this:
Solomon is about to hit his brother.
I say: "Solomon don't hit, you know it's the wrong thing to do. Remember? Love as brothers."

All this week I've been catching myself unknowingly [if you will allow me to say this] manipulating my children with threats or emotions. Now I'm trying to make it black and white. "We don't behave this way because it's against God's rules. God said this was the wrong thing to do, and He loves us and made this rule to protect us. Make a good choice."

If they choose the wrong decision, there is a consequence, but I have hope that one day...out of my sights...they will still have the Holy Spirit and the Word in their heart to convict them of right and wrong. They won't just "do the right thing" to please someone or avoid a consequence.

God looks at the heart, we must train our children to obey us [and the Lord] with a heart motivated in love...not fear.

My Best -Twenty Seven- Decisions

I was born 27 years ago today.

In honor of that, I made myself a pink bracelet with 27 beads.

More exciting than that, I finally [re] busted out my micro lens to play.

Even more exciting...my list of:

My Best 27 Decisions To Date:

1. Accepting Christ

2. Marrying Charles

3. [Fearlessly, against the flow] bearing children early on in our marriage

4. Going on mission trips as a teenager

5. Going to college [more for the friendships I made]

6. Sticking with writing...blogging [even if I did take long breaks from it]

7. Reading Redeeming Love [which began a love for reading]

8. Taking Elijah House [I refer back to it a lot]

9. Switching to Apple products [okay, maybe not monumental, but definitely fun]

10. Picking April as my first college roommate [still a best friend!]

11. Attending all the churches I have over the years [they made me who I am]

12. Exposing myself to the Kingdom of God & the supernatural gifts [like this]

13. Buying our current house [tiny, but wonderful to raise our boys in thus far]

14. Choosing organic [and or healthy alternatives when possible]

15. Breastfeeding

16. Having homebirths [and choosing my midwife]

17. Staying away from the Dr. as much as possible [minus Chiropractic]

18. Taking pictures & scrapbooking [love preserving things I never want to forget]

19. Staying on facebook [staying in touch with people I couldn't otherwise]

20. Forgiving imperfect people in my life

21. Choosing life...when I wanted to quit

22. Discovering Rainbow shoes

23. Keeping my kids home with me

24. Not letting my body image rule my life

25. Deciding to not live in fear

26. Staying close with my family

27. Finding good friends & having great counsel

25+ Things Wrong With Me

[This post may be too much of a downer for some of you, sorry, it's reality for me right now]

I'm up at nearly 2 am, because I can't sleep. My mind is swirling with all my failure from today. My failed attempts to train Nation, my drained heart that "greeted" my husband after work, and the fallout that followed both. I know you'll say I'm being too hard on myself and I know you'll say making a list of things wrong with you isn't healthy. You're probably right about both. Yet, I'm already feeling better. It's out. Exposed. Known. Now, maybe, The Lord can begin to further invade these areas. I've tried, but I've failed. I need Him to come and do it through me. I need His love.

Things I'm down about lately:

I can't ever stick to a schedule.

I stay up too late.

I sleep in too late.

I'm always tired.

I rarely spend time with Jesus.

I'm not encouraging enough to my husband.

I speak rudely to my husband.

My house has become grubbier and grubbier.

I stay online too much.

I hardly ever read to my kids.

I hardly ever sit down with my older kids individually.

I religiously go through the motions without even realizing it.

I never brush my kids teeth.

I don't memorize scripture.

I'm always behind on my Beth Moore.

I'm not good at loosing weight.

I'm selfish with my husband.

I speak rudely to my kids.

I don't give away as much money as I know I should.

I can't seem to finish a book.

I'm struggling to meet any of my goals.

I'm rarely walking in the supernatural anymore.

I operate mostly out of my flesh.

I'm so passive to the lies & attacks against my thoughts.

I blame everyone else.

I want more kids, but think I'm already doing a poor job.

I'm always late.

I fear I'll never become who I want to be.

I don't know where to start.

I feel like I get up and the same things happen all over again.

I feel like quitting.

I hate failing.

I'm probably too prideful to even pinpoint the amount.

I'm overly emotional.

I'm too easily angered.

I loose control.

I get too angry.

I've been the same for too long.

I fear I'll never change.

I wonder if I'm alone, but could never tell anyone all this.

I have great intentions and terrible follow through.

I do love my God. I do love my husband. I do love my kids. I do love my friends, and I do love strangers. However, I'm overwhelmed by how poorly I daily---tangibly---communicate and show this. I feel like I'm beyond the "I'm a mess---in need of Jesus", and I've crossed over to, "I'm such a mess forget it Lord, please give up on me too". I feel like I have.

I'm about to start my period. Hence, the drama of this post.

And yet, it's worked like a truth serum. 

I hope I'm not alone.

I know what I ought to do, but don't do it.

There is no one to blame, but me. 

There is no excuse, but my disobedience.

How do I get here? So discouraged, I don't even want to get better. 

But I do.

I don't really need your advice, I don't mean this pridefully, but I already know---I already know what I should be doing, but somehow it seems so hard...so much resistance. I know where to go, but I don't know where to start, or maybe I do, but the journey seems to long and hard [as if this one isn't]. Encouragement & Prayer, I'll take.

I stare at this mess [me] like my 4 year old stares at his messy room---he hears the command to clean it up, but is overwhelmed. Jesus, please come to my room, and help me pick up all these pieces. Get this started for me. Clear the floor of these 400 legos and help me organize my life into the right bins. Your buckets of time. Please encourage me and continue to hold me accountable until this room is all picked up. Remind me that I am four and it doesn't [won't] ever be perfect, but I can certainly do more than I'm doing now.

***

The day after this post

Thankful Thursdays Top Ten 34

Thankful This Week For:

1. This post on 10+ helps for busy moms [sums up my beliefs!]

2. This post on remembering the power of praising our kids

3. My iPhone's apparent recovery from child+bottled water

4. Moses turning 1. He's irresistible.

5. That my husband heard His voice in a powerful way this past weekend

6. For wisdom I know will come---regarding Nation---it's been a tough week

7. Our [future] home inspection that went well---just minor repairs

8. A husband who patiently helps me with parenting

9. Finalizing our couch & dining table purchase [I may or may not have pouted my way to getting both my favorites]

10. A very nice "just because" gift from my husband [although I'd like to think it was a thanks for nursing for 12 months gift---after all that did save us nearly $1500+]

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A Mother Who Stopped Pretending

Three clean boys in a slightly soap scum bath.

I think if I have to read about the struggle between "caring for" or "caring about" my children one more time on this blog, I might stop reading my own blog. The only comfort I take is that I know I am not alone, even if, just other fellow bloggers [although I'm sure there is more]. 

I'm currently reading Crazy Love, that, in combination with our church conference this past weekend with guest speaker Steve Thompson...has got me thinking a lot about His love. Today I continuously asked the Lord to reveal His love towards me and to help me reveal it to others. "The Others" [not to be confused with LOST, you fellow fans], are in fact most days---"just" my children. Although I see an occasional adult at the park or store, my chatting is usually limited.

It's mind boggling to me how much we struggle against what is important [eternal] and what isn't. Even in mothering, seeing things long term instead of short term. Seeing the quick short response to our child as a means to a quick silence, but forgetting the long term negative ripple effects in their lives and habits effecting even generations after from our unnecessary sharpness. 

I think I'd do my children [not to mention my husband---a whole other post] the best service to specialize in love. That what they remember, know, experience, see, and eventually share is love. Not so much the ability to sweep, or education to read, or recipes to share...but experiences of love. It's a gentle reply, serving before you sever yourself, sharing, or listening.

I want to be known as the mother whose house is kept, or excellent chef, or talented hobbyist, or perfect teacher. At this rate, even at the expense of peace and love. Maybe it's okay if I'm just known for having a slightly grubby house, slightly burnt meals, slightly neglected scrapbooks, and attempted teacher at the reward of being known as a mother who daily walked out love.

I certainly don't think these are exclusive or that you can't have them all [that is the goal], but is it okay to just come out and say: "World, what I value most isn't the temporary, seen, or external, but what I'm invested in is the eternal, unseen, inward---heart."

Would that help you understand why I don't care if there's a mess, or a snotty nose, or a unfinished worksheet? But instead that I held my tongue from cutting and built up instead. Or that I stepped over toys on my way to read to my child. What if I stopped pretending, yes it is, pretending that all this shell somehow protects something precious---when all I've done is destroy the inward to shine the outward? 

Lord, help us to nourish the inward, sometimes even at the expense of leaving a smug on the outward.

Thankful Thursdays Top Ten 32

Thankful This Week For:

1. A new house! Yes, we're under contract now...should move in within a month.

2. 3 hours at a consignment sale [30 minute shopping + 2.5 hrs socializing].

3. Two invitations for playdates this week [I heart time with other mommies].

4. Date Night. It never gets old. I'm always excited to go out alone with my hubs.

5. Software for embroidery machine finally installed & working.

6. Coffee at 3pm. Charles brought me some cause thats when I'm most tired.

7. Pull-ups. I'm hybrid potty training Solomon & they catch the accidents.

8. Sunday's message on forgiveness [justice vs mercy] 30 minutes-it's worth it.

9. That He never stops drawing me closer [even when I'm selfish] .

10. One sick child, after prayer, seems to be turning around quickly today. 

***

Link up below

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Black & White Wordless [#14]

When 5 people live in 1000 sq. ft with no playroom...

...sometimes [a lot!] this happens.

If you saw my last home-from-traveling-room-disaster picture, you might be tempted to think they get it from me. They don't. I blame it on the suitcases.  My mom was gracious enough to clean a mess just like so while we were on our cruise, but unfortunately as I unpacked other rooms in the house the two older boys did this...again. It took us several hours to clean up, and once we did, we've been on strict keep-the-room-clean training. 

Yesterday, they made a smaller mess three times. To which I made them clean it up and re-organize what they had un-organized. Charles asked the question..."is it worth it?" To which I replied, "yes"

For so many reasons, one main one being that they need a space to play and if it's messy and un-oragnized they won't play with their toys...so they run around the house and get into trouble. Thus, we're home and re-training how to play in our playroom/bedroom without taking out more than one type of toy[s] each.

Motto:

"If I don't make a huge mess, I don't have to clean up a huge mess"

Nation is a great sorter, Solomon...well, he tells me he's tired when I tell him to pick up. To which I reply..."So am I, keep cleaning"

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This post was apart of the blog hop:

The Long Road to China
A Beautiful Mess

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Temporary Single Parenthood

Recently a friend asked me how I manage the kids & house when Chalres is out of town [or when he's working such long hours it's like he's out of town]. I sent her these eight "tips". So, if you or someone you know has to swing the "single parent thing" every once in awhile [or every week]...hope this helps. 

I'm so thankful that Charles normally has "normal" hours, unless it's the end of a project [like now] and in which case I have to step it up a bit [and put my big girl panties on] to do my part to help us finish well. Dayton Daily News' new studio went live this last weekend so it's just tying up loose ends this week and we'll be headed home this upcoming weekend for Christmas and...for good. 

We have loved you Dayton, but after 5 months, we're headed...home.

At a local church's kids Christmas party [invited by our friend Grace]


My 8 Tips

 [1] Ground Rules

Understand that you are both "working". Meaning, he's working at a job, and you're watching the kids, which makes it possible for him to be able to work such long hours. So it's important you see yourself as working 12 hours just like him and it's important he values [and tells you] he appreciates all your hard work too.

[2] Technology

Thankfully, most of us have the ability to call, txt, facebook, email, skype, or facetime using our phones or computer. During the day and or night you might want to make a habit of calling him [with the kids] & [without the kids] at the same time everyday.

[3] Reward System

For you & the kids. Make a chart for the kids to look forward to earning some fun over the weekend alone time with dad! Plan something for yourself too: going out with friends, walk by yourself or...anything! This way everyone is working hard, but come the weekend, you get-a-break! If your husband isn't home at the end of the week see if you can't get someone to keep your kids for a few hours so you can have a break.

[4] Keep It Real, But Positive

I've learned that if I only complain about the kids and how hard my life is when Charles calls that it's not good for our marriage. Yes, the kids might have given me a hard time that day, but when I get on the phone I try to focus on telling him what cute things they did or ask him about his day. Encourage him, flirt with him, you know...make calling me something he enjoys verses something he dreads. At the same time, you're going to have hard days and you need to ask for his advice, vent, tell him about their behavior, etc. Sandwich those complaints in between some nice things. Also, he needs to understand it's important to listen---after all you're the mom and the dad right now so you need to have someone to vent to.

[5] Playdates

I think the hardest part of "single parenting" is adult-time burnouts. If you stay inside all day with little people who you can barely hold a conversation with...you might develop major cabin fever. I suggest getting out, even if it's to drive thru Chickfila for a lemonade and go back home. I think it really helped me [and is still helping me right now] to schedule weekly meet-ups with other moms or friends [my house, theirs or places] so that I have a adult conversation to look forward to while also doing my job---watching the kids.

[6] Give Yourself A Break

You're changing the light bulbs, doing the discipline, cooking the meals, bathing, changing, checking the mail, paying the bills, keeping the kids safe, playing with them, listening to all their talking-crying-screaming, etc. So when they go to bed don't over do it by getting everything "done". Take a mommy time out and do your nails, watch a silly show, read a book or do anything to unwind.

[7] Sleep

You have to be rested because you have to have the patience of two people.

[8] Schedule

Don't do one if you don't want to, but I find it really helps me and the kids. For example, we get up at 8am, nap at 1pm and go to bed by 8pm. We have our meals at 8am,12pm,3pm,6pm so that the kids and I both know what to expect. It's nice because if it's "one of those days" you can watch the clock and know there-is-an-end-in-sight. If the kids are staying up too much and not on a good schedule your alone time will be minimal and you really need it to be able to make it several days without your husband's help.

***

 As always, take all this with a grain of salt. Just my thoughts.

I love my husband. I love my kids. I love when we're altogether, but if we can't be I try to make the most of it. I really appreciate all the moms out there who do it alone often or all the time.


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