When You Feel Like All Your Parenting Is For Nothing

I never want to forget tonight. After a heated discussion with my oldest I sat and cried out to Jesus (even with R rated language) and asked Him for wisdom and love to deal with my children. Who, after lots of spiritual effort, I can still be left feeling like it's all just moving backwards, but in moment like tonight when my son came back to me and he spoke with such truth, repentance, understanding and love...I am renewed. 

He asked if we could pray together and I didn't feel like I was sitting by a rebellious 9 year old, but a mature 18 year old (just a little shorter than he'll probably end up!). 

Letting go of controlling people and behaviors

and trusting Jesus to do the heart changing is the only way to go. 

I felt so sure it was all for nothing until he said back everything I had ever poured into him so heartfelt. Nothing is moving backwards---it's all moving forward. He told me "you're an almost perfect mom" (and I knew instantly one day that would be a book chapter). He's an exact type of person. First he said I was perfect, but remembered no one was, so next best was --- almost perfect. Aren't we all?

He told me to keep doing what I was doing to help him grow up to be wise and in that moment I knew that all my labor wasn't in vain and neither is yours.