How To Travel With Kids Alone

2378 miles.

15 hours there.

12 hours back.

9 days.

5 kids.

1 mommy.

Earlier this month I traveled from the suburbs of Atlanta to College Station, TX to see my youngest [half] sister graduation from high school with my four kids in tow [8,7,5,2]. My husband had to stay back and finish up a project so I brought a rent-a-helper,Noah, my fourteen year old brother. He didn't really charge me. As the saying goes---you get what you pay for. [just kidding]

Our trip landed us at College Station, Horseshoe Bay Resort, Montgomery, and Dallas.

We saw lots of family and friends and really enjoyed our time---mostly swimming!

Without further ado---

10 Tips For Moms Traveling Long Distances Alone With Kiddos Sans Husband

1. leave early in the morning 
[avoids traffic, daylight safer to drive in alone, drive feels shorter because you arrive when its still daylight, easier to stay awake]

2. after you gps your destination gps nearest starbucks along the way
[triple shot it up baby!]

3. snacks, snacks, snacks
[if the kids whine, complain, cry, ask how much longer, or seem bored---throw them a bag of chips]

4. use a bluetooth headset or one ear bud
[allows you to listen to Jim Gaffigans comedy albums in one ear while still safely driving with one ear to hear sirens or your kids monstrously loud animated movie with the other]

5. bathroom stops---everyone goes even if "i don't have to go"
[less stops happen if you only serve water during the drive and keep in mind the goal is less than a 15 minute stop---don't forget bring Lysol wipes for the toddler who likes to wipe her entire business all over the potty upon mounting herself on the toilet following her demand to completely disrobe including her shoes to do so]

6. electronic devices are not necessary, but in my experience help
[iPads or dvd players are great and don't forget long power cords to charge in car and headphones ]

7. Redbox movies
[you can rent a movie from any red box along your journey and return it in any other city or state, my kids seemed to like "new" movies---that $1 sure kept them quiet!

8. pack light
[nothing makes it easier for getting in and out of the car and in and out of bags especially if you stop at multiple locations like we did if you have very little to load and or move around--- like your big box fan which is obviously essential]

9. pick your battles
[you are alone. where normally you might be all strict-parent-boot-camp on your kids so they grow up to be pleasant human beings---don't be afraid to offer them ice cream every single night if they promise to not make you cry---you can undo all this after only a few short painful weeks when you get home #speakingfromexperience]

10. prepare your heart
[that you and the kids may or may not sleep super well at other peoples places, that you might not get to relax really under that beach umbrella you can't wait to take a selfie under, or that you will look like a model parent at the pool as your children "make friends" by water gunning other adult guests in the face]


People kept telling me how brave I was to do this trip alone. Really, I was so blessed to have my sister [who lives in TX] and brother help me so much along the way I could not have done it without them and lots of very gracious and accommodating family members. We swam everyday, looked for local parks, and did pretty much anything thing I could think of to keep the kids from being wound up in the hotels. At the end of the day, it was either a little bit of crazy and excitement in TX, or just a lot of crazy and boredom back in Georgia.

I picked the one with the beach umbrellas!

I'm sure there are more things I would add to my list like: don't bring a newborn who would need to nurse and or scream a lot [got lucky this year!], or don't be pregnant that requires too many bathroom stops [also missed that boat this year but have sailed it enough to let you know it's okay to miss it this time around], don't bring a book, you won't have time to read it, make sure to sign up for AAA if you still don't know how to change a tire, bring a small trash that can double as a "incase someone vomits" or also please aim your trash near this [because inside of it would apparently be asking too much of you].

I promise you, if I can do it, you can do it.

I hope I've encouraged some crazy in you.

May Jesus be with you, He's a little less busy now that I'm back from this trip.

That Day You Dread Every Year... Family Picture Day

The year is almost over. Above is our family Christmas card picture. I'm thankful that is over too. Most stressful day of the year for me I think. Everyone has to be clean, dressed, match and in a good mood. Oh and we have to be on time. [We weren't] It's a hard day, but I'm glad I do it every year because it's so fun to see how much we have changed. 

There's always one kid who won't cooperate and this day it was Moses. He just kept giving this little smirk like "what? I'm not smiling". Nation was a good sport and Solomon's real smile lasted maybe after the first click. "Are we done yet?" Heaven didn't want to sit still much or smile at the camera, but she was pretty enough to get away with it all. I had to bribe them with a new toy AND ice cream.

I love my little tribe. 

We used a new photographer and she was great with our kiddos. All in all it's never as bad as I prepare myself for. I even bought a fart machine this time in hope it would make kids laugh, but for some reason even that couldn't crack Moses' smile, ha ha.

Thankful for another year with my wonderful [truly he is] husband, and 4 little ones. We never look this put together the other 364 days a year, so for once, it's nice. Mark your calendars people, our whole family showered that day.

Until next year.

Tape Player

My mother gave my oldest son a box of junk from her garage. My husband told my son it was a tape player and tapes go in there. Nation [6] asked me why this tape wasn't fitting in the tape player. After all, dad said "tapes goes in there"

Funny Friday #32

[While playing a word game on the iPad]

Nation: Is this a word?

Me: Ugh...yeah, I think it's "as"

Nation: No, that's spelled "a-s"

Me: Ugh...I don't know

Funny Friday #31

what Charles & I found when we went to get in our bed last night

have a funny picture?

link up below

Funny Friday #30

It's been awhile... have a good laugh

Conversations You Have With Me On The Phone

First of all, it really kills me to blog without photos, but I just can't subject you to any more of my awful iPhone quality photos and my camera is still being used by my husband for work [no...what? you didn't hear bitterness in my voice, no...not at all], but should be shortly returned to me [and or stolen back]. 

I was on the phone today, which rarely happens during the day---as you stay at home moms know---when my gilfriend joking said "if I ever start a blog it will be called 'Things I hear Candra say while I'm talking to her on the phone'" Apparently our conversations go a little like this---

Me: So yeah we are just about done putting up the boys bunk beds toge----STOP! No, you can't climb over the ledge---Sorry. Don't put that hula hoop around your brother. So I'm pretty excited---Hold on, no hitting---Sorry---Okay guys, that's enough---let me call you back the boys are fighting.

Friend: click.

 *enough time to discipline kids goes by*

Me: Where were we? [blames bad behavior on bad weather] I got the bedding, but---why are you crying? Because your hands are dirty? Oh wait, no, you fell in ants---Oh no, Can I call you back?

Friend: click.

*enough time goes by for me to go cover our newly emerged for Spring time ant piles, and kill bees. Plus find Benadryl, and console baby.*

Me: Sorry...Again. So yep, that's what's going on with that room, but we really haven't decorated much more than that---Don't hit the tennis racket on the window---Oh man my battery is deadI'll have to call you back later.

Friend: click.

*Phone stays dead till well past bedtime and I'm now blogging and probably won't call her back*

Is it just me? ha!

Funny Friday #29

[Moses...looking at himself in the drain, but then he got a little too close]

It's been awhile, but Funny Friday is back!

Post one photo from your week that will make us giggle. Then link up below.

Funny Friday #28

Has this ever happen to you? You're in the restroom for 2.3 minutes and someone is shoving toys under the door. Not to mention everyone is yelling desperately for you---panicking where you are. 

#youmightbeamomif

I'm sure a mom invented bathroom door locks.

Sure of it.

Funny Friday #22

Do you ever come up with crazy games for your kids just to keep them interested in the same-old-backyard, or the same-old-toys? Well this week I invented boot bowling. I lined up all their boots in the backyard [that's a whole other post] and gave them some heavy bocce balls to throw at them. Let's just say they didn't want to come inside when outside time was over. "Boot Bowling" For-The-Win.

[Insert picture of poopie cloth diaper here]

Disclaimer: If you [A] don't have kids or [B] don't use cloth diapers or [C] are grossed out by bugs you may not want to continue reading.

So, my neighbor must be thinking, what is that girl doing outside in the dark at 11:30 PM on a Friday night? Is she washing something in the backyard? Is it a cloth diaper? Weirdo. Yep, that was me. Tonight after small group left I could almost go to bed, but wait two things still remained...that one load of laundry I promised myself I'd get to today and of course a blog post.

Imagine me outside spraying off a dirty cloth diaper I might have left in the garage all week because he pooped in it just as I was leaving to go somewhere and my sprayer is still at my rental house...oh and I was avoiding it. I kept putting it off until now I'm too cheap to be on the verge of loosing it. WELL---y'all, it had maggots in it, yep, you heard me right, and it was majorly caked on. The things we do for our kids! 

[Insert picture of small fan on kitchen counter blowing into Ziplock of lettuce]

I'm still not sure how to dry lettuce even after rinsing, and spinning in my salad spinner, and patting dry with a paper towel. It still sometimes seems---wet. So, this week I tried letting my fan [that I tote around the house all day to blow on me because apparently I'm permanently "temperature pregnant"] do some of the drying for me. As I stared there at my lettuce being blowing around in a bag like a women's hair for a photo shoot, I thought---should I even photograph this?

Candra, you have out done yourself domestically this time.

Anything funny happen to you this week? Link up below & comment!

Funny Friday #21

Moses resting on one of the 10 large piles in my bedroom [aka folding laundry central] 

Boys [in the rain] with their "boy made" umbrellas

Moses dragging his mini-pillow pet by the tag everywhere he goes!

Dear Judgmental OnLooker

I read this yesterday, and it got me thinking...

Why are we so hard on each other? I mean, if you have kids surely you've been in a situation where they have embarrassed you or done something awful you didn't expect them to. It makes me really sad thinking back over the times when my kids have acted out or made a huge mess and I was around "friends" or strangers who made me feel like the-worse-mom-on-the-planet.

Motherhood is hard enough. So...please, next time you feel the need to not lend me a hand, not tell me, "it's okay", not hold the door open for me as I'm dragging a tantrum toddler to the car---please know...

You're next. 

And when it happens to you, [Jesus help me] I hope I'll be the friend or kind stranger, you were not. And one more thing...

Dear judgmental onlookers,

Yes, my kid just took off his pants and slid down the inflatable slide naked, but aren't you thankful it was because he just went pee pee in the potty and not the bounce house?

Yes, my kid just threw a huge tantrum at the ice cream store, but aren't you thankful I threw away his ice cream and didn't give him what he wanted? [You'll thank me later if he ever works for you]

Yes, my kid is only 2 years apart from his sibling, and that sibling 2 years apart from his sibling, and yes...I want more. 

I know you think I look overwhelmed, tired, and are considering sending in an application for me to What Not To Wear as I have 3 children pulling on my stained sweat pants, but just so you know... 

I wasn't looking for an perfectly kept, easy, predictable, boring life---that's why I had kids!

Sincerely,

I wouldn't have it any other way

***

Disclaimer: I'm not saying, if you don't have kids your life is perfect, easy, predictable and boring, I'm saying [in my experience] having kids is not those things [all the time]. For sure, I know lots of singles, or married folks who live adventurous-i'm-jealous-of lives! And I know lots of people with children who dress better than me, I'm only poking fun at myself, so don't get your feelings hurt please. Just laugh [at me!] Love all y'all!

Funny Friday #17

Nation: "Wow, what smells so good in here?"

Me: "It's me, I just took a shower"

* he pauses to think* 

Nation: "What do girls smell so good when they get wet?"

Me: "Girls getting wet by water doesn't make us smell good silly...it's our soap and lotions"

Nation: "Well, it sure does smell good"

Nation is 4. 

***

Moses first word was "da da", followed by "ma ma", followed by "no", Normal right? Well what about his 4th and 5th words that we didn't teach him? Well, I guess his brothers taught him---

By Friday...we all need a good laugh! Link up with me below every Friday!

Funny Friday #16

linking up at:

Funny Friday #15

This picture was not staged. I seriously have this weird problem...called open a bottle of water, drink from it, lose it and then not trust the kids haven't drank from it. So I open a new one and then stack them up around my sink and let the kids have them until they are gone.

Laugh away.

Moses here---eating his brothers mud pie mixture. Funny, and gross.

If there is something Nation is always working on---it's projects.

Here we have some left over new dryer vent piping.

Nation took it and "dressed" himself with it.

He played like this for an hour.

All I could think of was...lady gaga

***

Did your kids say anything funny to you this week? Mine did.

Me: Get in the car

Nation: Why

Me: We're going to get some lunch to eat

Nation: Why don't you just cook something here mom?

Me: Um, well, Chick-fil-a just cooks better than mommy

***

Funny Friday #14 [Best Mac & Cheese]

Amy's organic is THE BEST store bought mac & cheese out there. I learned about it from a woman I use to babysit for years ago. Now my kids happily devour it. Usually I eat half and the older boys split the rest, but now Moses eats the whole thing all-by-himself. He started saying "cheese" this week and baby signing "more" for it.

As you can see it's quite messy.

5 essentials for baby to enjoy "the" cheese

1. The mac & cheese [health food freezer section]

2. a bib that will catch it all

3. a table mat that will keep your table from being permanently greasy

4. a sippy cup

5. their 10 fingers [no utensils required]

***

What about you?

Any funny pictures this week?

Funny stories?

Funny Friday #13

My Funny Friday #13 [& my bestie's] fall on Friday the 13th!

Now that's Funny!

Here is the BEST Mother's Day card---ever!

OR this one...

Hoover Dam

Trying to get creative here for why you'd even bother reading about my trip to the Hoover Dam. 

I thought of 4 reasons you might read this post:

1. Incase you are ever on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and they ask you a question like, "What river does the Hoover Dam impound?" You'd now know the answer [...which is the Colorado River]...because you read this post.

2. You like me, so you read whatever I write on here.

3. You were curious if I only brought one scarf on my trip, and planned on wearing it in every photo. You read this post...to check. You confirmed, yes and yes.

4. You came to my blog because you thought it was Weight Watcher Wednesday...it was, I didn't go weigh in. Being in Vegas for a few days with my husband [who isn't on Weight Watchers] had nothing to do with the fact I didn't go weigh in today. Nothing.

Funny Friday #12

My mom gave me this PERFECT card for my birthday...

Inside...

Funny Friday #11

In the interest of time...here is a photo collage summary [unedited] of Solomon's 3rd birthday party last night at Chuck E Cheese. We invited our four closest families and enjoyed games, pizza and cake. 

I'll begin with the end. The "Funny" part.

We were driving home at 8:30 [ish] pm which is already past bedtime and when loaded up on Hi-C [0% juice 100% sugar], cake, and game candy we shrugged off all the crying [from all three] on the way home as overtired and overloaded on sugar. When we pulled in the driveway and opened the doors you can imagine our shock when we realized Solomon had been crying because apparently his forehead and the balloon weight got into a fight on the way home.

Did I mention Charles took a business call on the way home too? That was humorous. Pretty sure that was great birth control for that newly married contractor.

Solomon ended up being just fine though, not to worry.

Now---the happier beginning...

www.martinmommy.com

Our fearless babysitter.

Nation said after hugging Chuckie, 

"He's kinda...kinda...comfortable" [he meant soft]

I was thankful for the ability to throw him a party without having to do anything, but show up. Especially since we are in the process of moving. At first it was a bit pricey at $12-17 per child, but they ended up giving me a really great deal. I ordered a sandwich & wings tray for the adults so we didn't have to eat the "pizza". They provide the cake, balloons, gift bags, souvenir cups, and lots of tokens for everyone.

Learn more about it here.

***

Your kids do or say something funny this week? Share below!