This Is My Holy

I remember the exact weekend I realized the Lord leading me to marry my now husband. I called my mom on the phone and said, “But how can I marry him? I think he wants lots of kids and wants to homeschool them! I’m called to travel and preach on stages!”

Since I was little I had seen visions of myself preaching on stages to thousands of people and now I was facing motherhood? I was finishing up my college degree at the time and had an incredible job at one of the world’s most famous Christian organizations. I was going places…but not with kids.

It took one movie to change my life. The Passion Of The Christ. No, I’m kidding, it was actually Cheaper By The Dozen. I saw that hot mess of a house and dirty kids running around and somehow---somehow---was in love with the idea. God had changed my heart. He showed me stages aren’t the only places the Gospel is preached.

I grew up thinking if you love Jesus with all your heart you travel and preach the Gospel on stages. You hold gatherings, not babies. Fast forward almost 10 years of marriage and four kids later and I'm not on a stage: I'm IN one.

In this stage I see the Gospel preached day in and day out. Let's face it, my two year old? She is NOT saved! My daily life gives me plenty of opportunities to preach Jesus to people--- specifically four little people… Nation, Solomon, Moses, and Heaven.

I’ve heard the call to being a stay at home mom. I’ve heard the call to homeschool my kids. Not because being a homeschool mom is a higher calling than a mom in the workplace or a mom on a stage, but because it was the call on my life.

I’m so glad I answered it.

Has it been tough? Yes. Impossible at times? Yes.

But has it been overwhelmingly beautiful as well? Absolutely.

I think one day we will still travel, and I think one day there may still be literal stages, but I want to live fully in the stage of today. I want to be completely content and joyfully present today. I know that the changing of diapers is just as spiritual and valuable to the Lord as the changing of medical dressings in a hospital and just as valuable as helping change a stranger's path from eternal death to enteral life by preaching the Gospel with words.

Someone has to do it. Someone has to answer to the call to love, comfort, and teach the next generation--- to the next evangelist or missionary or… mommy. After all, maybe the stages that will be preached on won’t be preached on by me, but rather by part of me--- my little disciples. I can imagine their voices echoing in a stadium.  

All the work we dedicate to the Lord is holy. Motherhood is holy. Staying at home is holy. Working outside the home is holy. Wherever God calls and we obey becomes holy.

I have had to put aside daydreams of where I would be now if I were still working for that organization while in college. I have had to give up a lot to be fully present in this season, but I believe I will reap a holy harvest. I know that my sacrifices (even if overlooked at times by my husband, or society, or my friends and family) are never overlooked by the Lord.

I have a lot of gifts and talents that may seem to have been better used outside the home, but for now, in the Lord's eyes, those talents are being used exactly as He planned. God has called me to use them in the home, and I am happy to do so.

Because He’s worthy.

So, be all in at whatever stage you're in. If he’s called you to be a stay at home mom… be there. If he’s called you to homeschool… be there. Be where He is. Be a missionary to your little disciples.  You don’t need an Instagram full of people hashtagging your preaching at conferences to prove you’ve served God well--- an Instagram full of playgrounds and math books will do… for now!

Show me your holy this week on IG #thisismyholy

God Teaches Me Math

i feel defeated

i feel a bit hopeless about the after-baby-from-three-other-kids-too-weight

i miss writing

i feel like i don't have anything to say

i like taking pictures, but nothing else that has to do with processing or sharing them

i'm thankful for friends who encourage me

i wish i wasn't addicted to sugar and processed carbs

i feel ashamed

i've been working really hard to train my child in the way they should go but some days make me question if it's all been worth the effort

i couldn't have properly IG today's events without scaring some people from having children

i'm thankful my husband has grown leaps and bounds in listening, validating and comforting me

i need to spend more one on one "fun" time with each kid

i needed that picture today Nation drew of him and I where he wrote "mom is good at teaching me"

i think i drank four cups of tea today to try to keep from comfort eating

i need my heart to be comforted so i don't over eat so much

i love that God speaks to me

i'm scared if He has big things in store for us, I prefer the small and manageable

i've really been enjoying American History

i don't like to write because i don't like negative comments

If it's hard...it's me. If it's stressful...it's me. If it's failing...it's me. I'm trying to do so many things in my own effort. I feel like I'm short cutting it by doing it alone and not wasting time waiting years before a silent God...all the while my Daddy is sitting next to me waiting to show me the real short cut.

Him.

I see this all the time when I teach new math to my children and they brush away my hand and tell me to shush because they already know how to do it which results in crying, a blank answer, and me repeating, "Are you sure you don't want my help with this?"

I think that's what God is saying to me today regarding my health & rearing my kids...

"Are you sure you don't want my help with this?"

A Sandy Month

Our month started out with a family beach trip [with a day of Disney thrown in] and ended with a girls only [my 5 Beth Moore table Amiga's] beach trip. Lot of packing, driving, and sand. Oh, but I love the beach. Even if it's the second year in a row I've gotten "bitten" by a sea shell, got an infection and had to see a Dr for antibiotics. Even then. I have just humbly accepted I now get to accompany my swim dress next year with water shoes. Even my doctor agreed...they are dorky. However, cheaper than a Dr visit. #Jesuscomebacksoon

Aren't you glad I didn't post a picture of the foot infection? That was a special privilege for my IG friends.

I would say this month the theme was---No one has it all together. Even though I know this...I forget this. Am I alone? God highlighted to me how important honesty, venerability, and transparency are. But also reminded me not everyone does this. What you see on social media, or even what they tell you out of their own mouth may be a Candy Land version of their home life. And what does it matter anyways? You're already God's favorite so stop trying so hard to be better than so and so and feel better after you tear her down. #guilty

You win. You're awesome, no one else is. Are you happy now? No. That's dumb.

God showed me to cheer when friends have victories I don't have. To ask for prayer [and advice] when they have something I'd love to have [weight loss!] and present myself to my friends as "not having it all together".

Honesty sets others free.

Sugar coating, puffing up, hiding the mess, skipping over the real...just leads to everyone else striving towards something unrealistic.

There are two types of people. Those who pee in the ocean and those who say they don't. Everyone is a mess, especially those who don't say they are. So embrace your messiness...you've got a clean God!

It's Hard To Say: I Have Something To Say

I meant to write this post yesterday because it was going to really kill my personality to not have written even ONE post all of May. I went to log into my account and I could not remember my log in and password---that's how bad I've fallen off the blogging wagon. I'm going to make this post appear written on May 31, because technically I wrote it in my mind yesterday, but until my web designer kindly reminded me today I was just able to log back in.

I don't really write much anymore for two reasons.

One, I find it hard to find the time. Two, I don't feel like I have anything to say.

Lately---Potty training, mobile nursing infant, finishing up one homeschool year and prepping for the next, exercising, adjusting schedules, possible baby blues, and cleaning for what feels like every moment of my day. Add in all the rest of the regulars and my day is full with little time left for personal endeavors. I do not think this is ideal, but it is what it is for now.

I would probably abandon this blog altogether if it was not for a super tiny voice reminding me that there's a slight possibility God's called me to write. My heart is to encourage other woman, namely in this season in my life---mothers. Although I find this ironic, as I do not feel I have much to offer. After all, there are plenty of other bloggers out there you can find just about any answer to any question you have. Why be redundant?

It is this incredibly weighted resistance to me writing that makes me curious. Why is the enemy trying so hard to keep my fingers from the keys? [if that is what it is]

Truth be told, I'm not sure how transparent you should be in blogging. Enough to be real and help others, but not so much everyone in the world is in your business when really only a handful of people should be. I've recently written many many posts in my mind, but wasn't sure how well they would translate to print.

If saying here how I feel or how I've been doing helps someone, I suppose it's worth it.

My life is beautiful and I really have no room to complain, but I find myself lately being pretty overwhelmed, angry and ungrateful. Jesus, sunshine, Vitamin D, exercise, sleep [well I could use more of that!] and comfort from my husband doesn't seem to completely cure it either. I've never had baby blues before, and I'm not even sure if having an 8 month old qualifies for that, but either way--- I just want to wake up and be thankful. Smile. Laugh. Be light-hearted. Have fun. Enjoy.

I don't want to be Martha. I want to be Mary.

I don't want to fuss and clean, and stress and yell, and miss the moments I'll never get back from today. More than ever I feel like I don't have much to say here, but here I am. Walking on this journey too. It's not as beautiful as Instagram makes it. Ha. It has a child who has accidents in their pants, a nursing baby who cluster feeds at night, a child who probably needs more time with me, a child who is still being trained to do things the first time their asked even if it requires every hair on my head turn grey first and me, who, when it comes down to it has a pretty selfish attitude.

But...I'm writing...and...

"He hears my voice...He bends down to listen...[He's] kind, good, protects.."

-Psalm 116:1-6

Giving Yourself Credit

Being 18 days away from Spring and all, I thought my abandoned-for-the-last-month-blog could use a little bloom. I mean, what mom of three young boys doesn't just love the constant cold and wet days of winter? {sarcasm}

Something simmering in my mind over the last month as been how poorly I view my performance most days.

This isn't a long, ginormious insightful post, but I hope you see the tiny bloom of insight I share here in the winter of your days. If you wrote down every single thing you did all day, instead of only staring at the things you didn't, you'd give yourself a lot more credit.

I wake up with a ridiculously unrealistic mental list of important things to do. Seek Jesus, and do my very best all day to lovingly attend to the hubs & kiddos while crossing things off. Laying my head on the pillow at night, I exhale with a few groans all the [seemingly] giant things I didn't get finished.

All the while, never really giving myself credit for the things I did get finished.

If every kiss, hug, smile, "attaboy" was recorded.

If every comfort, cheer, praise, challenge was recorded.

If every prayer whispered, scripture confessed and discipline given was recorded.

You'd see a list of a lot of wonderful ways you accomplished things that day.

If days weren't valued by loads of laundry put away, and dishes dried or meals cooked. But whose value was found in the monopoly money of playdoh played, crayons colored, and paint splashed with little persons given straight to you from our big God. You'd feel more accomplished.

Not in the wiping, straightening, rinsing, and folding, but in the hand in hand and eye to eye connection.

"I see you running soo fast"

"I see you jumping soo high"

"I see you helping your brother"

I see you.

I promise you our God's pleasure is rooted in seeing your children and not just serving them. Although important [they have to eat right?] we shouldn't give ourselves such a hard time when things to-do remain. Because the truth is every day will bring dishes, laundry, dirt on the floor, and toys scattered. But you only have today to see him jump that high---in that very moment. You only have today to tickle her toes at 151 days old. He has a story he wants to tell you about right now.

Write that down.

1. Listened to his story of driving on the moon

You can't cross it off a list, because you didn't know it was needed or would happen that day. That is the joy and excitement each child brings each day to us. Something we will do, that we had not planned on.

2. Lingered longer at the changing table cooing back at her

Give yourself a little more credit for all the things you do all day, and give yourself a break for what remains, for it always will.

Cleaning, Comparing and Crushed Goldfish

I am torn between wanting to spend all my time cleaning to be [and appear] like I have it all together or relax and do my best while still maintaing a pleasant relationship with my husband and children. After all, isn't it ever mans dream to have a tightly wound overly busy wife and clean floors? Don't kids like when mom [today] yells into thin air nonsense about floors, carpets, and dishes?

But then again...doesn't every good mom have a clean house? All the time? It matters, a lot, right? I can hear the judgmental thoughts in my head "well I do it...there's no need to make excuses...you could do it."

I'm suppose to care about what God cares about, right? Not about what I care about. Namely [and apparently]...looking good to other people. Also known as, people pleasing.

You know the ironic thing? Just yesterday I asked the Lord to speak to me...anything. Just speak. I completely and totally expected a long list of things for me to do to better please him. You know like "pray for this country" "take so and so a meal" "read this book" "sleep more"

You know what He said--- "You're a good mom".

Stopped me right in my tracks. Huh? *tears* Really? The God of the universe just wants to---encourage me? Not give me something to do or improve on? It's no surprise to me that 24 hours later I'm being attacked with every judgmental and preforming demon within a 50 mile radius.

So let's get this straight. You, are healthy. Know Jesus. Are married to a man that deeply & dearly loves you. Have 4 beautiful healthy children you have the privilege of being with all day. Live in America. Practically live a royal lifestyle compared to the rest of the world. All your needs are met, and most of your wants. And you're worried/stressed/have anxiety/a tightened chest/have cried today over the fact that maybe your house isn't always as clean and organized as you like?

*Clears Throat* You have a three month old right?

But She...

Ahh Comparing.

Because my life is exactly like hers and it's completely fair to compare our lives. Oh and biblical [ha!]. Our husbands are the same. Have the same job. Work the same hours. Help and encourage us the exact same. We have the same amount of kids, same ages, same sex, same personalities and struggles. Our houses are the same size too. So it's completely understandable why I want to be the best version of her instead of doing my best to be the best version of me.

Bottom line. I care what people think more than what pleases God.

God wants me to do what He's doing. If He's cleaning my house---I'm cleaning my house. If He's spending time with my kids, I'm spending time with my kids. So on and so forth. He knows me. He knows what I do with my time and He knows how hard I work. He knows I'm not lazy and He knows I love to clean and organize. He knows I chose my husband, my kids, and yes why even myself [resting!] over chores. He doesn't send guilt my way and He isn't asking me to change anything. He's perfectly pleased with the verison of myself.

He knows I'm doing my best. But I'm so worried people will look at the crushed goldfish on my floor and not see it too.

At the end of the day, I want to be known as a woman who loved Jesus, her husband, her children, her family & friends mightily. Not as the woman whose floors were the cleanest they'd ever seen. At this rate of chasing Jesus half the time and chasing people's approval the other half. People will end up half loved around me and my floors will end up half neglected as well. My calling is to love well. Clean, yes, but because it's necessary for order---not appearance.

Can you have both? Maybe you can. I currently don't. The point is, I need to be happy for you, and content with me.

So if you come to my house and it's not perfectly clean, organized, or decorated. Maybe you can appreciate the smiles on my husband & kids faces---because mommy didn't yell into thin air today. She just did her best. And that's all her Creator asked her to do.

So moms---if you haven't heard lately---You're a great mom. Just do your best. Be the best version of---You. Not "Her".

I Wonder

[I wonder what people will think after they read this post. I wonder if I am alone.]

I wonder how it's possible to love a Lord so deep, and for so long, but not love His words. Saying it that plainly sounds so terrible, but isn't it true? The Word isn't my favorite book to pick up, it isn't where my mind wonders to, and it isn't what comes out of my mouth most. It isn't were I spend most my time.

I don't deserve the shelf of translations [and colors] I own. I love it less than those who don't even have the luxury of having their own.

Honestly, I do love Him---serve Him---obey Him---need Him desperately all day for more days than I can remember. But I live on the Him I've been served, read once, or retold about in a book [about Him].

I can't help but wonder what great adventure lies behind the wardrobe closet. It must be so fantastic that he---the one whose native tongue is lies---convinces me day in and day out to avoid. I can't help, but wonder the endless magic that would ignite my dull day if I read Him daily.

After all, He is The Word. It's not technically possible to say I love Him, and not love The Word. I am enthralled by it's wisdom, beautiful redemption, and daring faith. But something about this other side of the closet makes it all seem so...so...so...unappealing at times.

I can only conclude that it is not because it actually is, but because it's the exact opposite. Where the greatest resistance is felt to stay away---is the very thing I should run the hardest after.

The Word. His words.

I don't want to wonder if falling in love with The Word would change my life [and my world], I want to know---it did.

A Walk To Remember

Last night was one of those nights where I walked out of the house [to go walk] listening to all three kids fussing or crying as Charles was putting them to bed.

I turned around a few times and debated just staying in to keep cleaning, but I shut the door.

Outside at 8:30 PM a gorgeous sunset and music on my iPod awaited me as began to lap my neighborhood over the next half hour. The quiet. The absence of fighting or disobedience. The non-mess-to-clean pavement. Sweating and exercise never seemed so appealing.

"Jesus..." I asked, "why is something so lovely [family] so draining?" 

[What am I doing wrong?]

Yes, the kids need to help around the house more and yes, we need to be more scheduled...

But what else am I missing?

That's when I believe I heard that my expectations were tripping me up. 

I expect, for whatever reason, that I'll wake up in the morning and all things will be quiet. There will be no need for me to train, discipline, or teach. There will be no messes for me to clean, and things will go as smoothly as if I was the one being catered to and taken care of. I must think that, even as foolish as it sounds because when I have to...

fold
sweep

clean
serve

train
wipe

die to self

prepare a meal

cook a meal

clean up after a meal

I may not always complain with my lips, but I complain in my heart. "Why does this take so long" "Why does cooking make such a mess" "Why do I work so hard so that dinner can be so loud and chatoic" "Why doesn't this look like the movies?" "Why do the kids go to sleep and my work isn't done?"

I felt like the Lord reminded me on my walk, that life---isn't suppose to be easy. Life isn't lazy. Life isn't suppose to be one perfect event to another. 

Life is work. Life is serving. Life is others before yourself.

And in that life, there is reward, there is love. There is real life.

So another morning has come and cleaning and cooking and training awaits me, but I hope today I won't approach it all as if it's a shock and surprise "Why is this happening?" but approach it as part of---real life. This is what it is.

Where there is noise, when there is fighting, when there is hands [and bottoms] that need washing---it won't be inconvenient for me, it will be...my calling.

It's work, but it's rewarding.

Everyday

[photo credit: Caty Collier, our sitter]

Everyday...

...i say things I don't mean and hope they forget them

...i say things I mean and hope they never forget them

...am surprised when my middle child rises early

...for 3 years he never fails to break the morning silence with "juice?"

...i wish I'd done the dishes the night before

...it seems to take me all day to do them

...i consider brushing teeth & hair [occasionally face] "getting ready"

...i remember when I took an hour or two "getting ready" [what was I doing?]

...i complain about the day to day chores, messes, diaper changes, and meals

...i remember there are those without houses to clean, children to make messes, diapers to use, or ingredients for dinner

Someone once said, 

"Your life is made up of 'todays',

what you do today will be what you do with your life". 

Reminding myself of this everyday, helps me remember that habits and love not practiced today won't magically appear in the legacy I leave.

Storing Things That Have No Value

[Charles pulling me on the cart]

Last night we emptied out our second [and hopefully last] storage unit. We've had these units for almost as long as we've had kids. We needed a place to store all their toys and clothes they grew out of. And my offseason wardrobes---my 4 seasons of clothes---summer maternity, summer, winter maternity, winter. 

[I've spent the last 6 years either pregnant or nursing].

Looking back paying for the unit probably wasn't worth the value of what was inside, but it's all under one roof now and not costing me anything anymore. Just when I was beginning to look like I was getting closer to getting out of boxes---we've filled my basement up with storage unit stuff. 

I wonder if we store things in our heart that don't end up matching the price we pay to hold onto them.

painful memories

wounds from family

words people have said over us

hopes deferred

wounds from a spouse

mistakes we've made

promises unfulfilled

wounds from a friend

We keep them in units "incase we ever need them", finding safety in their near access. All the while knowing it would be wiser to let go of what isn't useful to us---today. Trusting that if we have need in the future He would provide.

And what He'd provide wouldn't be molded, ruined, stale and yesterday's.

Lord, expose those units we pay for that end up costing us...

costing us...more than any service they falsely promise to provide for us in the future.

Help me to let go and forgive. Giveaway. Stop storing up for a bitter day. Help me to trust again. Help me to forget what hurt and wounded. Help me to help others do this too.

Training Children To Obey -Love vs Fear-

[flowers from Nation...in a recycled spice container]

I've been reading this book, and it's got me thinking a little different about a lot of things. One in particular, how I get my children to obey.

I don't know all the answers [this just in: no one does], but I think Ms. Susan Schaeffer Macaulay might be onto something. Although her book is primarily based on the ideas of homeschooling...it really is more a book about the philosophy of how children learn and how we can best facilitate that.

She brought up a point in her book [hope I don't misquote her here] that we shouldn't get our children to obey out of fear. Not fear of punishment or fear of man.

For example:
Nation is about to climb on the counter.

I could say:
A. "Don't climb on the counter or I'll discipline you"
B. "It makes mommy really upset when you do that"
C. "Don't climb on the counter it's the wrong thing to do"

Now, climbing counters isn't one of the 10 commandments, but disobeying rules you're parents have set in place [who are under God's authority to raise you up]...is.

The problem with fear of punishment
The idea that we coerce children to do what we want based on "if you do this, then I'll do that" works "great" when we're around, but what about when we aren't there to stand over them to "threaten" them with a punishment? I'm not saying I'm against punishments because I'm not, but I'm rethinking if always throwing the punishment in their face is the proper motivation for getting them to do the desired behavior.

The problem with fear of man
My personality naturally struggles with people pleasing...I know this all too well. If I continue to encourage my children to produce the desired behaviors [not fighting, sharing with others, speaking politely, etc] by following it up with "this makes mommy really happy" or "this makes mommy very sad" or "I'm very upset when you do this" it's possible my children will preform correctly, but not for the right reason.

Which eventually [again, when they aren't around me or are grown] will either produce a person who doesn't care to continue following God's standards because they don't have me around to continue to "please" or they will find someone else to try to please with their behavior.

My daughter might look for a husband to please with her behavior. Only cleaning the house to get her husbands attention and not because it's the "right" thing to do to serve others. My son might find his worth and joy in pleasing his boss. He won't be ethical because it's God's standard, he'll just look ethical when necessary.

Motivation and heart get lost in pleasing a person with seen acts instead of honoring a God who is always looking.


And...


God doesn't want a son who is only afraid of his punishments, but a son who listens and obeys because he loves him.


Instead Macaulay proposes...


We train our children to obey with the motivation of it being right or wrong. Our standard is the Word of God and our motivation is honoring a Holy and worthy God.


"If you love me, keep my commands."


It looks like this:
Solomon is about to hit his brother.
I say: "Solomon don't hit, you know it's the wrong thing to do. Remember? Love as brothers."

All this week I've been catching myself unknowingly [if you will allow me to say this] manipulating my children with threats or emotions. Now I'm trying to make it black and white. "We don't behave this way because it's against God's rules. God said this was the wrong thing to do, and He loves us and made this rule to protect us. Make a good choice."

If they choose the wrong decision, there is a consequence, but I have hope that one day...out of my sights...they will still have the Holy Spirit and the Word in their heart to convict them of right and wrong. They won't just "do the right thing" to please someone or avoid a consequence.

God looks at the heart, we must train our children to obey us [and the Lord] with a heart motivated in love...not fear.

When Seasons Change

When Seasons Change...

...I'm somewhere in between ready for the last season to be over and "can't wait" for the next season all the while knowing that before I know it...I'll be feeling just the same way about this season as I was the last---ready for the next.

I was born and raised in Texas, which has...basically...one season. Hot. Okay, two seasons, Hot & Humid. Neither which work well with naturally curly frizzy hair. Moving to Georgia my sophomore year in high school was the best thing that ever happen to the locks attached to my head. They throughly enjoy those few months between summer and spring to hold those hot roller-curls and soak up the compliments like bounty paper towels.

Being in Ohio, we did enjoy the snow, but the cold there [and here] I'm over. It's mid May and my heater has been on this week? I'm ready for the warm. Ready to break out the capri's and skirts and rock the Rainbows till November, or December. As for my hair, well, it will mainly stay in a pony tail.

As for other season in my life. The season of packing, unpacking, moving, packing, unpacking, traveling, looking to move, packing, moving, unpacking---is---hopefully over. We've been here in our new house for two weeks and I'm looking forward to the next season of---no boxes.

Another season I've been thinking about is, baby bump time. Normally around the time my baby is a year, I get pregnant, and I'd love to be pregnant like...yesterday, but am trying to faithfully finish Weight Watchers. I'm growing tired of this season of no baby in my belly, but looking forward to it maybe this Fall. But then again, looking around at all these boxes [and my pregnant friends] I'm maybe still thankful for that heater on, maybe I'm not quite ready to be lugging that huge belly around up and down these stairs. But maybe I am.

You forget how much work it is!

Seasons, they are a funny thing. They encompass that "grass is greener on the other side" more than anything else in life.

Five Things That Make or Break Your Day

Five Things

1. Jesus

2. Relationships

3. Sleep

4. Nutrition

5. Exercise

I know this isn't rocket science, and we all already "know" this, but man if only knowing was enough. Putting priorities into practice at times does seem like a science. [Did I mention I was a Communication major?] #dislikescience

When there is stress in my life, or things seem out of control I can usually narrow them down to 5 categories. I've never put pencil to paper [or in this case keys to screen], but in my mind I often know---there are 5 reasons why I'm upset...and I could have prevented all of them.

The reason I'm yelling is because...I've not met with Peace today.

The reason I'm feeling down is because...I haven't invested this week in anyone, but myself.

The reason I'm short with the kids is because...I stayed up too late watching TV last night.

The reason I don't feel good about myself is because...I ate junk food all day.

The reason I'm so fatigued doing housework is because...I haven't been regularly working out.

In the moment, it feels like it's "life's" fault. Like a series of events is all to blame for my stressed out-overly tired-depressing-never-ending-overwhelming day, but really, most of the time it's not because the world has fallen apart---just my priorities. And when your priorities fall apart, in a way, your world does. At least for me.

I'm not interested in self-help and I certainty am not trying to "fix" your life. This post [or any for that matter] don't have the "power" to change your life, but He does. I'm by no means fixed myself, but I've just really been trying to be mindful that it's not worth pretending it's outside circumstances that get me down, but that it's a lot of decisions I could make better.

My only advice for you is that you pray. Pray next time you find yourself down or being short with someone and ask..."did I have anything to do with this?" Is it possible this attitude isn't just "happening to me", but I made some bad choices this week/yesterday/today that have brought me to this point.

Pray that He'd make you mindful of them. Pray that He'll show you how---so that---you might enjoy Him, others and yourself more during our brief time here on earth.

It's simple. It isn't rocket science, unless...we try to do it...without Him.

We Are The Yeast -one [k]need at a time-

Again he asked, “What shall I compare the kingdom of God to?

It is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into a large amount of flour until it worked all through the dough.”

Luke 13:20,21

[the yeast is placed inside the small well in the center]

This morning a pastor spoke about how our insignificance, inconsistency, and fallibility all qualify us for the very thing we feel disqualified from...

...Him moving greatly in our lives.

INSIGNIFICANCE

As [stay at home] moms we sometimes struggle with feeling significant. Most of the time there isn't even someone [over 4 feet tall] to look over our shoulder and tell us "Good Job." There certainty isn't fancy business suits, lunch meetings, promotions, or cooperate trips. No one applauds when the dishes are loaded or laundry is put away. We know "He" sees, but still...unfortunately, we'd still love for someone...anyone...to also appreciate us.

INCONSISTENCY

Sure in my mind...we eat three healthy home cooked meals a day at the table while discussing the Lord. We brush our teeth, bath, and all dress before breakfast. School is a joy, and done by lunch. I train, I read, I pour into, and play with my kids until dinner. I'm gentle, I'm patience. Oh...but I'm not. I struggle to sleep enough, eat right, and take care of my physical body and don't even get me started on my spiritual body.

FALLIBILITY

I sometimes feel like the song says, "prone to wonder, prone to leave the one I love." I'm the definition: "liable to fail" "capable of mistakes" "fail" [I mean] "fall". No matter how much I try to keep my voice low, it raises. No matter how hard I try to stop being to busy to stop for what really matters, I'm distracted.

Three reasons+ why I feel disqualified from ever being that yeast God works into the dough [the world]. I will never do anything great for the Kingdom. I'll never touch the nation's or do anything significant with my life. 

All lies.

You see, moms, we are that very little pinch of yeast [insignificant in amount and easily prone to failure] that He works into our dough. Our dough isn't a stage, a best selling book, our blog world renown...our dough is our house. A place where we get to be just who we are, in all our mess, as Christ works on us, and through us to love the dough one [k]need at a time.

It starts with our husband, our kids, and then we [the yeast] eventually transform the entire loaf [the world]. It is impossible for the yeast to not dramatically effect the entire loaf. One way or the other. Let us do it the right way. 

Let Him kneed you, in love, into the flour that is your family.

We may not be famous, we may not be perfect  and we may fail, but...He [k]needs us to carry out His kingdom on this earth.

Go---effect the whole world today---

one dish, shirt, spill, diaper, book and hug at a time.

He calls you significant.

He is consistent.

He will not fail you.