Friday, June 24, 2011

I Wonder



[I wonder what people will think after they read this post. I wonder if I am alone.]

I wonder how it's possible to love a Lord so deep, and for so long, but not love His words. Saying it that plainly sounds so terrible, but isn't it true? The Word isn't my favorite book to pick up, it isn't where my mind wonders to, and it isn't what comes out of my mouth most. It isn't were I spend most my time.

I don't deserve the shelf of translations [and colors] I own. I love it less than those who don't even have the luxury of having their own.

Honestly, I do love Him---serve Him---obey Him---need Him desperately all day for more days than I can remember. But I live on the Him I've been served, read once, or retold about in a book [about Him].

I can't help but wonder what great adventure lies behind the wardrobe closet. It must be so fantastic that he---the one whose native tongue is lies---convinces me day in and day out to avoid. I can't help, but wonder the endless magic that would ignite my dull day if I read Him daily.

After all, He is The Word. It's not technically possible to say I love Him, and not love The Word. I am enthralled by it's wisdom, beautiful redemption, and daring faith. But something about this other side of the closet makes it all seem so...so...so...unappealing at times.

I can only conclude that it is not because it actually is, but because it's the exact opposite. Where the greatest resistance is felt to stay away---is the very thing I should run the hardest after.

The Word. His words.

I don't want to wonder if falling in love with The Word would change my life [and my world], I want to know---it did.







15 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for this post. I am visiting from the Gypsy Mama, and I've felt the same way about the Word. I wonder why it is hard to read sometimes, but I love your last lines about not wondering if it would have changed you, but trusting and learning that it will. You've inspired me to spend some time in the Word today. Thank you!

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  2. Thank you for your honesty - such bravery. I think that you are not alone. I pray that you will begin to fall in love with the Word. I love the line - "I want to know it did." I'm right there with you.

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  3. Yes: "I don't want to wonder if falling in love with The Word would change my life [and my world], I want to know---it did." John 1 is one of my favorite chapters. Definitely wonder-inducing!

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  4. Wow. You certainly are not alone. Thank you for the inspiration to pick up the Word more regularly.

    (a visitor via Gypsy Momma)

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  5. Your honesty is refreshing. Praying that you grow in wonder as you study His words~ Thank you for this! Bless you!

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  6. Hi,
    No, you are not alone! This was a beautiful piece, I have to say. I understand with what you are saying. There are different seasons for everything in life, I think. Maybe there will be a season for sitting and reading- maybe it will be browsing it online? Maybe you are finding the Words somewhere else right now?

    What's most important, though, is that you're living them, right?

    Will be back to visit- it's that good:)

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  7. I hear ya! The enemy definitely tries to distract and keep us from the power that is unleashed in our lives when we daily, saturate ourselves in the WORD. I have had seasons of LOVING to read the word and others, not so much, but I have found that when we ask God to give us that desire and unquenchable thirst for His word, He is faithful to do it. I have also found that the more I read it, the more I want to read it, if I can just open it up and start. The opening up and starting is the difficult part...so many distractions and interruptions. Now you've inspired and reminded me to go pick it up and start.

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  8. I could have written this myself. I think sometimes, especially when you have small children, we tend to want to read things we don't really have to put much thought into, since so much of our energy and effort gets drained elsewhere. If only we could make ourselves understand that what we will find inside His Word is what will give us the strength and wisdom to make things easier on ourselves and make our lives better! And it is hard to get started, but once you get started , it becomes a habit, and eventually it becomes an addiction! Oh, if everyone could replace their addictions with God's Word!

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  9. Wow yes, I struggle with this so much. The things I often need the most seem the hardest to do. I love reading it when I do, yet why then do I almost never do it? I wonder too.

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  10. Love it. I have been amazed lately in my Monday night Bible study with how exciting it seems to think about and discover new things...but then during the week it seems like my motivation to do a guided study even seems low. I hate that about myself and love that you are willing to be transparent and really make us all think about these things!

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  11. Elizabeth,
    While I can say I run to the Word for every. little. thing. ...now, I also must say that that was not always so. I promise you in your walk, soon, you will be drawn to Him as the Word, simply because you just testified the desire in words heard by your sisters. He will honor this desire of your heart, and you will know...that your life was changed by He, Who is the Word.
    Thank you for this!
    Blessings.

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  12. This could have been my post! So true! Thanks you for a beautiful post!

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  13. I discovered when we left the institutional church that I DID NOT KNOW the Word, and THAT was the reason I didn't love it or even feel the least bit interested in it. I had survived for twentysomething years on little crumbs of it, scattered back to us in the church pews, without context, conviction, or compulsion. So when I picked up my Bible and it was MY job to read it, think it, pray it, and actually absorb it...

    I realized it was nothing like the Bible I had been fed in Church. Can I tell you how thankful I was to realize that?!?! I mean, really! I was SO BORED with the Bible in Church... and it was all because all the good stuff was hidden to me! I dare anyone who is bored with the Bible to actually READ it. Not STUDY it, like we've been told over and over and over in Church that we are supposed to. Just start by READING it. And find out what's in there. And then I dare you to keep believing it. :)

    The thing that has helped me the most is that I stopped trying to understand every freaking verse and just absorb and read and explore. A dear friend of mine recommended a "Bible Reading System" to me and I was immediately like NOOOOOO! That's the whole problem I've had all along... too many schedules, systems, etc. But then I actually took a look at what she was suggesting and it has been fantastic.
    Google "Professor Horner's Bible Reading System" and the first link that comes up is the .pdf with all the info you need to know.

    Do it! I dare you! :)

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  14. Ive had the same struggles... and I also came to a similar place as Linsey wrote above.
    I came to a place where my life in "church" was pretty much obliterated and I was left in a very empty place. Then I realized that I had to re-examine everything I knew (or thought I knew) about the Word, about Him, about "church" about Christianity. Thats when the Bible really began to open up for me......
    not because I was part of a Bible Study, or listening to a sermon, but because I was on a quest to really see what the Word said and how it lined up (or didnt line up) with my life, with church, with those surrounding me, with Christianity in general.
    I began to explore, read, meditate, ponder and wonder. It became an adventure... and it still is. Slowly learning things I never knew (even though I have been saved for over 30 years) and watching them manifest in my life without even trying to make them happen.
    The Word FINALLY became reality for me, instead of head knowledge that made my brain hurt.
    FAith

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