Like A Flower Out of Soil

Nation brought a flower, like he often does, and some roots. I reached for "his" little spice jar I collect all his flowers for me in by the sink. They are separated---the flower---from the root, but in the water, you almost can't tell.

You know the saying, "like a fish out of water", well sometimes I feel like a "flower out of soil".

I can't decide if I should write to you about what I really want to write to you about, or if I should write to you about what you want me to write to you about...

Heck.

I think I've started cursing Monday's, I'm going to start planning super fun things on Monday's so "the suck" can't creep in. Usually it's the usual---cleaning up weekend house, catching up on laundry---oh and food---hit the grocery store, or wait till---next Monday---after all I can make bread and we can eat stuff out of the freezer all week, right?. Sorry kids, we're out of Cheez-it's, how about some croutons? But really, it's more than that, it's not even those chores that bug me, it's---something---I don't know to be honest with you.

I feel like a flower disconnected from my roots. Out of soil, and floating in water...ironically enough, by the kitchen sink. The kitchen sink where I stand most of my day.

I thank God for food to cook, shopping available, kids who are always full, a house to clean, soap to wash clothes with---inside! Still, "the funk" of Monday lingers. Drowning.

It didn't start off that way, even with 4 extra kids this morning, it was---usually nice. But two disagreements, school later in the day, a dinner I even chose not to eat [ha!] later---I'm crawling into bed early. Tear dried face, and wondering how I did today.

I tell myself.

You helped a friend.

You worked on your business.

You did dishes, laundry, and cooked three meals.

You got everyone to nap.

You schooled a Kindergartner.

[and don't forget]

You were out of your pj's before 9 AM.

Still, I didn't ENJOY my day. Where was my JOY? I live IN my day, but I want to live IN joy.

So when markers are on walls, and shredded cheese, rice and cheerios scatter the floor---I still smile. God, you're so good. Teach me to live IN joy. Turn my Monday's into dancing. You know the joy I feel towards the 3 pairs of eyes that look up to me all day, and the thankfulness I have in my heart for my blessed---abundant---ridiculous lavish life, but let me FEEL it.

Let nothing steal it.