What June Taught Me

June was filled with lots of swimming. A braves game, or two. Trip to the Zoo. Golf camp, Tennis camp and VBS. Trip to the lake. More swimming.

Also this summer, Charles and I took a course at our church called Arise. I wrote down some amazing things God showed me through the class in June in my journal. Some of which I will now relay to you...as my good friend Sarah would say... "you're welcome"

One was called Journal Activation. Fancy for, talk to God, write down what He says.

Three questions our teacher suggested...

1-What do you want me to give to you today?

2-What do you want to give me in exchange?

3-What do you feel when you look at me?

So, God might say something to me like a word, or I might see a picture, or hear a song, etc. Like lots of noise, and then I say "God what was all that noise about?" and he might say "I want you to give me all the noise in your life" and then I'd ask, "What do you want to give me in exchange for that?" and the might reply "Rest, Peace, Quiet, Being Still, Selah..." and Then I'd ask what he thinks when he looks at me and he might say or show me something. Like a stream, and I have the impression that it's so nice to be around and quiet and relaxing. God...you think I'm relaxing? [I don't think I am! ha!] He sees the potential in me though! He's encouraging me to trade what's not of Him, for what is of Him, that I might be who he sees I am.

Sounds simple right? Well, it is and it isn't. It is easy because God is always talking, and he deeply desires for his sheep to hear his voice. However, it can be hard because the world is so loud and the enemy is so determined we often miss the opportunity. We're impatient or we think "that was just me." I found that journaling what the Lord was saying back to me helped me to logically rationalize less because I was just flowing and writing it.

Did God really just say that about me?

I can't begin to tell you how encouraging it was to hear God. So try it. Just ask God, and write down whatever you hear. If it lines up with scripture, take it.

It's Hard To Say: I Have Something To Say

I meant to write this post yesterday because it was going to really kill my personality to not have written even ONE post all of May. I went to log into my account and I could not remember my log in and password---that's how bad I've fallen off the blogging wagon. I'm going to make this post appear written on May 31, because technically I wrote it in my mind yesterday, but until my web designer kindly reminded me today I was just able to log back in.

I don't really write much anymore for two reasons.

One, I find it hard to find the time. Two, I don't feel like I have anything to say.

Lately---Potty training, mobile nursing infant, finishing up one homeschool year and prepping for the next, exercising, adjusting schedules, possible baby blues, and cleaning for what feels like every moment of my day. Add in all the rest of the regulars and my day is full with little time left for personal endeavors. I do not think this is ideal, but it is what it is for now.

I would probably abandon this blog altogether if it was not for a super tiny voice reminding me that there's a slight possibility God's called me to write. My heart is to encourage other woman, namely in this season in my life---mothers. Although I find this ironic, as I do not feel I have much to offer. After all, there are plenty of other bloggers out there you can find just about any answer to any question you have. Why be redundant?

It is this incredibly weighted resistance to me writing that makes me curious. Why is the enemy trying so hard to keep my fingers from the keys? [if that is what it is]

Truth be told, I'm not sure how transparent you should be in blogging. Enough to be real and help others, but not so much everyone in the world is in your business when really only a handful of people should be. I've recently written many many posts in my mind, but wasn't sure how well they would translate to print.

If saying here how I feel or how I've been doing helps someone, I suppose it's worth it.

My life is beautiful and I really have no room to complain, but I find myself lately being pretty overwhelmed, angry and ungrateful. Jesus, sunshine, Vitamin D, exercise, sleep [well I could use more of that!] and comfort from my husband doesn't seem to completely cure it either. I've never had baby blues before, and I'm not even sure if having an 8 month old qualifies for that, but either way--- I just want to wake up and be thankful. Smile. Laugh. Be light-hearted. Have fun. Enjoy.

I don't want to be Martha. I want to be Mary.

I don't want to fuss and clean, and stress and yell, and miss the moments I'll never get back from today. More than ever I feel like I don't have much to say here, but here I am. Walking on this journey too. It's not as beautiful as Instagram makes it. Ha. It has a child who has accidents in their pants, a nursing baby who cluster feeds at night, a child who probably needs more time with me, a child who is still being trained to do things the first time their asked even if it requires every hair on my head turn grey first and me, who, when it comes down to it has a pretty selfish attitude.

But...I'm writing...and...

"He hears my voice...He bends down to listen...[He's] kind, good, protects.."

-Psalm 116:1-6

A Deeper Way To Encourage Your Husband

My husbands love language is words of affirmation. Which means, what I do say matters, and what I don't say also matters.

For someone who throws around words in an emotional state, this can be pretty toxic and unproductive. I may or may not be known to say extreme words like "never" and "always" even if, in fact, it's just been a few times. That's just me vacillating, but that's a whole other book I need to tell you about.

What I wanted to share today is about a little truth God dropped in my heart a few weeks ago when I pulled up in my driveway. I guess it's taken me over 30 days to get from my head to the keyboard--- but I suppose for every non-blog-post written was a sink of dishes washed or a stack of homeschool papers finished. I could probably sum up my busy March and April with one word.

Baseball.

So...I thought to myself...Okay, start telling Charles all the things you're thankful for about him, tell him what he's good at, and what he's done well lately. While I think those are effective and do work. I think there's a deeper calling as a wife in the area of words of affirmation.

Speaking spiritual truth over my husband for WHO he is, not WHAT he has done.

The difference between an unconditional acknowledgment when I've see an element in his heart, or a conditional compliment on a accomplishment I've seen him preform.

One will send him on his face before the Lord, "make more more like that Lord", and the other will keep his mouse wheel spinning...hungry for another praise. Example...

Charles, I see your generous heart. You love to give. You're so good at giving away and not holding back. You really please the Lord's heart with your willingness to give. Charles, I see your love for your boys. You really listen, hold, and play with them. They are blessed to have you as their dad. I can tell you really want to impart God's truth and love into their hearts.

I recognized and acknowledged God's call on my husband to give, and his deep desire to have The Father's heart for his sons.

Verses...That was nice of you to give money to them, way to go. Or, You're a great dad, thanks for playing with them.

See the difference? Both are grateful and complimentary, but one truly speaks to elements God has placed in their hearts and the callings and gifting in them. It draws out what God has put in their depths and spurs them onto more. Not just rewarding them with a cookie for a trick well done.

Husbands need encouragement, and if it's based only on performance they can easily become discouraged because they do fail. But, at all times, we can encourage our husbands on who they are even if what they are doing isn't wowing us. That glimmer of calling is always reflecting, even if it's not blinding us. Find the glimmer, magnify it.

Try it.

Look for specific ways God has gifted your husband. Beautiful glimpses you've seen in his heart. When you see it in action---even a little bit---encourage him in The Lord.

Giving Yourself Credit

Being 18 days away from Spring and all, I thought my abandoned-for-the-last-month-blog could use a little bloom. I mean, what mom of three young boys doesn't just love the constant cold and wet days of winter? {sarcasm}

Something simmering in my mind over the last month as been how poorly I view my performance most days.

This isn't a long, ginormious insightful post, but I hope you see the tiny bloom of insight I share here in the winter of your days. If you wrote down every single thing you did all day, instead of only staring at the things you didn't, you'd give yourself a lot more credit.

I wake up with a ridiculously unrealistic mental list of important things to do. Seek Jesus, and do my very best all day to lovingly attend to the hubs & kiddos while crossing things off. Laying my head on the pillow at night, I exhale with a few groans all the [seemingly] giant things I didn't get finished.

All the while, never really giving myself credit for the things I did get finished.

If every kiss, hug, smile, "attaboy" was recorded.

If every comfort, cheer, praise, challenge was recorded.

If every prayer whispered, scripture confessed and discipline given was recorded.

You'd see a list of a lot of wonderful ways you accomplished things that day.

If days weren't valued by loads of laundry put away, and dishes dried or meals cooked. But whose value was found in the monopoly money of playdoh played, crayons colored, and paint splashed with little persons given straight to you from our big God. You'd feel more accomplished.

Not in the wiping, straightening, rinsing, and folding, but in the hand in hand and eye to eye connection.

"I see you running soo fast"

"I see you jumping soo high"

"I see you helping your brother"

I see you.

I promise you our God's pleasure is rooted in seeing your children and not just serving them. Although important [they have to eat right?] we shouldn't give ourselves such a hard time when things to-do remain. Because the truth is every day will bring dishes, laundry, dirt on the floor, and toys scattered. But you only have today to see him jump that high---in that very moment. You only have today to tickle her toes at 151 days old. He has a story he wants to tell you about right now.

Write that down.

1. Listened to his story of driving on the moon

You can't cross it off a list, because you didn't know it was needed or would happen that day. That is the joy and excitement each child brings each day to us. Something we will do, that we had not planned on.

2. Lingered longer at the changing table cooing back at her

Give yourself a little more credit for all the things you do all day, and give yourself a break for what remains, for it always will.

Q&A Giving Another Mother Advice

You asked:

"How do you give other mothers advice...are you frustrated when they don't take it?"

1-Advice Without Permission

I don't pretend to be relaying this correctly, but I hear a lot of my friends who attend a local church here say it. Essentially, first and foremost, always strive to make sure that your advice was requested first. Rebuke is biblical, but we aren't talking about sin here, we're talking about should they or shouldn't they do such and such with their babies/toddlers/kids, etc. The difference between back sleeping or no back sleeping or homemade babyfood or store bought is important, but isn't necessarily eternally significant. Thus, if someone seems to be struggling or parenting foolishly [to you]...

-pray that God would allow an opportunity to speak into their lives if it's His will

-ask them "would you like some advice on this?" if you sense no, or they say no, wait & keep praying

2-Plank Humbly

No, I'm not suggesting that you lay across two chairs with humility. I'm suggesting you heed this biblical warning...

"Why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?" -Matthew 7:3

By nature, I think it's easier to see the flaws in others [and their children] verses ourselves and our own families. We don't necessarily notice that our child is a picky eater, but we sure notice their child doesn't seem to sleep enough. I think we need to walk in humility, and make sure that our advice comes out of a place of love for the other mother, and her child, and not out of a place of policing other people and their failures. Personally, I struggle with this, and have to have God help me not judge them in my heart, as well as keep my mouth shut if I don't have anything to say in love.

3-Sharpen, Refresh, Ignore

To recap, if you have permission to give advice & you feel like it's coming out of a non-judgemental place then share with love. Remembering that we truly do have God-given-individual wisdom, encouragement, talents, and insights to share with others. Us moms, we need each other. I can't begin to explain the value of the wisdom I've learned from other mothers.

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." -Proverbs 27:17

Share what has worked for you to hopefully bring a solution to their dilemma. Tip: I usually follow up all my advice with "it works for me, but it may not for you, every family is different" I think this is a safe disclaimer. More than likely they are already feeling overwhelmed and insecure so don't add to it with your condemning "help". Just because you notice something they do wrong, doesn't mean it's God's timing to share with them. Be spirit-led. Water them as you share.

"...whoever refreshes others will be refreshed." -Proverbs 11:25

When you share, prepare yourself, that it's likely they will completely ignore your advice and continue doing the same old thing [producing the same old results] and continue to complain as if they know no better. This happens. You've probably be on both ends of this too. Some people really just like to complain and don't really want to change. For others, it takes time to "try" your advice. And sometimes your advice just works for your family, but not theirs.

Be okay with that.

Our charge isn't to fix other moms and their problems, our charge is to encourage one another in the faith. If they asked, you answered, and they either don't like it or never used it, you still did the right thing. As far as Jesus is concerned, mission accomplished on your end. You don't have control over what they do with the wisdom you give them. It's up to you if you continue to give them advice or not. All you can do is pray for them and know their complaints hold little weight, as they are unwilling to change or try anything.

4-Just Wait

Pretend with me. You have your first child and they just so happen to sleep, eat, and play with others perfectly. You pat yourself on the back and shake your heads at all the other moms obviously struggling so hard with theirs. "Why don't they just do what I do?" "They must be doing something wrong" "Gosh, my kid never did that". Then, you have a second child...

Suddenly, even with the same parenting style & schedule--- this kid doesn't sleep, eat, and play with others so perfectly. You scratch your head, then find yourself wanting to hid under a bush [the same bush you built out of your own seed sowing of judgmental thoughts]. "What happen?" "I did everything the same" "Maybe this is what happen to so-and-so, that I was so convinced was all her fault." You swallow a big spoonful of humble pie. Not all children are created equal.

If you practiced #3 above, and you sowed refreshment instead of judgement, this scenario will play out much more kindly.

The thing is, no one really knows but Jesus. No matter what it looks like, we can't ever be positive it is or isn't the mother [or fathers fault]. Yes, we can judge a tree by it's fruit, but we aren't there 24 hours a day, and we don't really know all the personal, financial, relational, natural or supernatural elements at play. It's possible it's completely the mothers fault, but it's equally possible it's not. Who are we to judge and decide?

I suggest, you just wait.

At this very moment, you may feel like you're the perfect parent and have it all figured out...thus your calling to "help" all the rest of us. However, I offer this wisdom, just wait. It happens to all of us, in one form or another, something will send us crying to Jesus in repentance for judging others so harshly.

Inevitably, something will come along your way that you never expected that will completely humble you in the area of parenting. It may be their first two year old tantrum at the mall, when they pee on their sibling in the backyard during a play date [personal experience], or when your amazing sleeper suddenly decides they no longer are. The list goes on.

No one has it all figured it. Not even you.

Let's all agree to just help one another in love.

God being our model. Be gentle.

Carry your friends and their children in your heart.

"He tends to his flock like a shepard: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."

-Isaiah 40:10-12

Tape Player

My mother gave my oldest son a box of junk from her garage. My husband told my son it was a tape player and tapes go in there. Nation [6] asked me why this tape wasn't fitting in the tape player. After all, dad said "tapes goes in there"

Sharing Mommy

"How do you divide your time between multiple children?"

Imperfectly?

I don't feel fully qualified to answer this as I am still a new mom to 4 children [oldest only being 6]. I have a helpful husband who is available in most seasons for the kids and I after work. I also have a babysitter come 3 days a week for 5 hours each to help me with things I don't get to [chores] or helping with a few kids while I homeschool our oldest one. We decided this was a lesser expensive option compared to private school for older ones and day care for younger ones. Although precious, the little ones can be distracting for older brother while doing his school work so a few hours a week we are guaranteed uninterrupted time. Also, I would rather be in the house with the kids and know exactly who is with and what the kids are up to. I know this isn't an option for everyone, but I am truly grateful for the opportunity to stay at home with my kids and have help in this season with so many little ones.

I say all this to say---please don't think I do this all alone. These people make it possible for me to spend so much one on one time with my children. However, even if your husband works a lot, or you don't have any outside the home help...there is still some ways to share mommy evenly.

TWO BIRDS ONE STONE

Probably my best piece of advice for spending a lot of one-on-one time with each of your children everyday is to invite the children into whatever you're doing. If I'm making pancakes, I will let one child help me. If I'm doing laundry I'll let another child help me. If I'm running an errand I'll take just one child with me. You get the point. Basically, as moms, we have a lot of daily chores and things to attend to, and if we try to do all of them alone and spend lots of quality time with each child too---we will go mad. There just isn't enough time in a day for that. You have to learn how to be intentional about letting your children work beside you.

KID DATE NIGHTS

I probably first heard about this from Martin Mommy [my bestie] . It is just what it sounds likes---you take one of your children out for "date",  just you and them. They get to talk to you as much as they want about whatever they want without having to compete with any other children. I remember I once took my [seemingly] quiet middle child out one night and he literally didn't stop talking. He would comment on everything he saw and thought. It was cracking me up. Obviously he'd been storing it up since he normally is beat to the chase by his two very vocal brothers. It can be fancy or simple. It can be for a half hour or a whole day. Just do it. Your children will really enjoy the quality one-on-one time with just their mom.

BE INTENTIONAL

Sounds obvious, but you'd be amazed how quickly we forget. Be intentional to pay attention to the amount of quality time you spend with each child. Even ask them. "Do you feel like mommy spends more time with X than you?" Etc. Especially the children who are less maintenance and keep to themselves more. It's easy for me to neglect Solomon because he's completely happy to play alone and he never gets into anything. However, he's just as precious as his more high-maintenance-risk-taking-brothers, so I have to be intentional to say---even though you'd spend all day playing wii upstairs while I homeschool your brother and take care of the house, please come down here and sit in my lap while I read to your brother. Or I will let the other boys go play outside and hold him back for a bit to play or read for a few minutes before he joins them. I have to make a point to notice and keep things "fair" and share my time equally with him even though he doesn't demand it with bad behavior and getting into things.

THINGS AREN'T WHAT THEY WERE

Things will never be the way they were. You don't have one kid anymore, or just two, or just three. You have what you have now and although you are spread a little thinner, your love will be supernaturally multiplied if you call on Him for more! Let your mind be present, grateful and full of confidence in His ability to help you spread your time and love around evenly. God thinks family is a great idea. He loves siblings! There is a way, specific to your family, for mommy to be shared. Ask God for wisdom.

There are just seasons where you need to turn the TV on, break out the granola bars, and gather the kids into your lap while you nurse the baby. Short term, yes, it may be scary to think about the amount of time they are watching TV, but long term you know you will eventually feed them a real breakfast and lunch, but for now...granola bars are easy for them to get themselves. Ha.

After a new baby, recovering from sickness, rainy days, you name it---there just plain are seasons where we can't be the parents we are in our minds and we just need to do our best to spend time with our kids in close proximity even if it's in our laps watching a movie. I can think of worse things. Don't feel guilty.