25 Things I Do Wrong: The Day After

Please go back to yesterday's post and read the comments, that's where the real jewels are. I copy and pasted all the emails & messages I received. I did not transcribe the calls though. Thanks for those too, you know who you are.

Honestly, when I sat down last night and journaled in a notepad, I had no idea that it would become a post. I knew it was going to be too honest and too raw to ever publicly share. And yet, after I finished I felt fine. Like the tears dried and the room stopped spinning. Immediately clarity came and I felt the Lord start to speak to me about things [that probably won't make sense when you read them], but for me totally were "proverbs" for my particular predicaments.

I shared, hoping, if anything---if you'd ever been tempted to think I have it all together you'd know...none of us do!

I wasn't by any means crying out for attention or expecting anyone's sympathy. I was honestly more afraid [and even plotting to remove the comments] of criticisms and ridicule for being so honest. I thought someone might even remind me how awful it is to not fight my kids plaque or gingivitis.

Instead, I was o-v-e-r-w-h-e-l-m-e-d by everyone's outpour of "me too", "been there recently" "still there" "i love you" etc. I had no idea. I really thought I was alone. I also didn't realize the incalculable invaluable treasure I had in my friends [both real & virtual].

From the bottom of my heart. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

As I assumed, many of you were worried about me, but I promise I'm fine. I just needed to be there and say that, and move on. Today was by no means a walk in the park, but as you can see above, the Lord showered my eyes with pink beauty smack dab in the middle of my hectic day.

wife/motherhood...the never-ending glory to glory transformation

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The other things I wrote down last night:

Love the Lord

Love my husband

Love my kids

Love others

Does what I'm doing love these in that order?

Works is not equal to Love.

Heart and motive are superior to action.

Think about spending time like you do money. Spend on what you need in order of priority. 

Don't pretend that the desire to give is the same as giving. 

Spend your time as if it was money you were commanded to spend on a specific thing. Don't spend it on something you weren't suppose to.

Education does not always produce a love of learning. They are different. 

Acts of service do not always equate loving someone.

Inspired service is the goal. Not completed acts leading towards a goal.One will produce Godly fruit and one will produce check marks in a box.

Comprehension of Love is superior to cooperation.

Getting someone to do what you want, isn't getting their heart to change. [reference to child training]

Give yourself room to fail. 

Humility is anticipating you'll fall short. Knowing He picks up where we land.

Don't hold your children to standards you don't hold yourself to.

The sins, bad habits, rebellion you refuse to surrender to the Lord sews these same sins, habits and rebellion into your own child. Free yourself--free your child.

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Please don't hold me to theological or physiological accuracy of the above. It is simply what poured out, line after line, after my confession to the Lord. I'd like to hope, most of it was from him, and that I heard and understood more or less what he was truly saying to me. Either way, I feel encouraged---practically and foundationally from the Lord how to begin moving forward.