Thursday, December 8, 2011

Timing [31 Things I Know]

[cute photo...minus...bad timing on keeping my eyes open]

This I know...
...[in marriage] is everything.

Having only been married a little over 6 years, I hardly have enough marriage advice to write a book, let alone a blog post, however it's something God is working out in me and I thought I'd share. Timing, in how I communicate with my husband . So, what I use to do when my husband walked in the door, or when he called, or any time I saw him during the day---I'd start right in--- "the kids did this or that" "I'm stressed about so and so" "you need to take care of this that and the other" "have you done blah blah blah yet?" You get the picture. Usually also accompanied with a grumpy face, and selfish attitude. After all, weren't all dialogs between the two of us suppose to start with what was going on I didn't mean harm, and to be honest I didn't really think much of it. I just thought "hey when I see you, I'm always going to be 'honest' with you and let it all hang out." I never considered...timing.

I have by no means arrived, and I'm sure my husband could even snicker at reading this post remembering [possibly] me behaving this way recently, but I do feel like I'm finally aware and attempting to change. I don't believe in pretending, or being a Stepford wife, or putting on a happy face just because he turned the corner. However, I am realizing that sometimes it's not what you say, or even how you say much as it is when you say it.

My husband is a dreamer, a visionary, and a man full of ideas [gadgets, gizmos and the next big thing]. I've learned through much trial and error, that he wants me to hear his ideas first, be excited with him, and not rush to stomping them out or playing devils advocate so quickly. Let it simmer. Let it sit. [Let him have time to realize it wasn't that bright of an idea.] There is a time and a place to bring that subject back up and mention that I'm not feeling it, or I don't think it's so wise, or I have some questions or thoughts about it. It's not about not saying anything, it's about possibly not responding so---immediately. And it's not about always agreeing with them, or lying, or pretending, or telling them what they want to hear. It's about learning to communicate with a man who is very strong, but very sensitive. A man who can be easily under my my words. It's about timing.

So my lady friends, if you aren't already trying this---give it a go. I've recently seen this put out many fires before they even have a chance to start. Pray. Ask. Seek the Lord about how and when to bring things up, mention things, ask about things, or give your opinion and advice. It's not about being a doormat or tickling their ears, it's about being sensitive to the fact that given the wrong timing, your words may have zero productive effect...unless you count offense and fighting. Be wise, and use a quiet moment alone to dive into a deeper subject, verses across the kitchen over three children. Trust me, you'll be heard more way than one. 

Hope this helped.


  1. Guilty! Thanks Candra for posting

  2. That's a good word Candra :) I also suffer from timing. (especially when it comes to the "ideas" portion of our talks!) :/

  3. And wait 10 seconds after asking them a question before you start talking again... they need at least 8 seconds to process the question, form a response, and open their mouths... haha.

    Always wise words from someone who is wise beyond her years (I'm talking about YOU). Love ya.



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