Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Dear Judgmental OnLooker



I read this yesterday, and it got me thinking...

Why are we so hard on each other? I mean, if you have kids surely you've been in a situation where they have embarrassed you or done something awful you didn't expect them to. It makes me really sad thinking back over the times when my kids have acted out or made a huge mess and I was around "friends" or strangers who made me feel like the-worse-mom-on-the-planet.

Motherhood is hard enough. So...please, next time you feel the need to not lend me a hand, not tell me, "it's okay", not hold the door open for me as I'm dragging a tantrum toddler to the car---please know...

You're next. 

And when it happens to you, [Jesus help me] I hope I'll be the friend or kind stranger, you were not. And one more thing...


Dear judgmental onlookers,

Yes, my kid just took off his pants and slid down the inflatable slide naked, but aren't you thankful it was because he just went pee pee in the potty and not the bounce house?

Yes, my kid just threw a huge tantrum at the ice cream store, but aren't you thankful I threw away his ice cream and didn't give him what he wanted? [You'll thank me later if he ever works for you]

Yes, my kid is only 2 years apart from his sibling, and that sibling 2 years apart from his sibling, and yes...I want more. 

I know you think I look overwhelmed, tired, and are considering sending in an application for me to What Not To Wear as I have 3 children pulling on my stained sweat pants, but just so you know... 

I wasn't looking for an perfectly kept, easy, predictable, boring life---that's why I had kids!

Sincerely,
I wouldn't have it any other way




***

Disclaimer: I'm not saying, if you don't have kids your life is perfect, easy, predictable and boring, I'm saying [in my experience] having kids is not those things [all the time]. For sure, I know lots of singles, or married folks who live adventurous-i'm-jealous-of lives! And I know lots of people with children who dress better than me, I'm only poking fun at myself, so don't get your feelings hurt please. Just laugh [at me!] Love all y'all!



26 comments:

  1. I read living free's post the other day and it made me feel sad. :(

    On a side note, I and super surprised that no one has nominated me for What Not to Wear yet.

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  2. I love your blog, Candra. It's a real encouragement to other moms (and dads) out there. Keep it up. I just laughed out loud at this post and forwarded to some of my close friends. Thanks for sharing.

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  3. I only have 2 kids and am definitely done but I have learned that you never say never as far as what they will do. Before I had them, my kids would never pee on the floor in Walmart or pitch a fit so bad in the parking lot that I had to call their dad to come from work and help me get them under control (Both of those happened w/my 1st born so its amazing I had 2!). But I hope that I am that supportive kind of friend to those who have a heavier load than I am carrying right now... and my "Someone needs to do something w/that kid!" comments sent to strangers in public are few and far between! Thanks for the reminder!

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  4. Amen! That's all I have to say. :)

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  5. Thanks for your sympathy, righteous indignation and laugh. You always manage to say "it" with humor!

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  6. oh my, thanks for this post!!! I totally agree! :)

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  7. AHAHAHAHAHAHA this makes me laugh and feel relieved at the same time! Last night we were at Publix and it was an "Unplanned" trip so I didn't have the carrier for Blaise, I had to put him in the front of the buggy and Levi is the big basket area. He kept standing up over and over and over... I kept fussing and telling him he was going to bust his head if he fell... We got out to the parking lot to unload groceries... he looked right at me and stood up again, SOOO I pulled down his pants (still in diaper) and popped the side of his leg with him fighting me all the way. Someone thought it was their place to yell "Do that S**T at home" out the window... I was completely bewildered b/c it was "teach my child to obey now, so he doesn't hurt himself badly, or save face so someone like you doesn't yell obscenities at me in a parking lot" I'll take my baby with an intact skull and an obedient heart thanks!

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  8. Lo-o-ooove it! (and then they're 14, you're looking up at them while you are having the tantrums...lol).

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  9. Love it! I remember doing a Bible study at a local book store one time with a great group of ladies - a kid was pitching a ROYAL fit and my mother in law caught the parent's eye and asked how old she was. I don't remember the age but I do remember my MIL saying "yeah, it happens to all of us, moms understand. I have 7 kids...it happens to me A LOT - hang in there." I thought it was pretty cool of her. Now when my kid throws a fit I just smile sweetly and know that every single person with a kid has been there at one point or another and then can save their judgment for someone else.

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  10. speaking of your awesome post... you can pray the 30 minutes tantrum we're still weathering will end soon 8 / Yes I do want to get together, we need to plan the day! Things have still been in kind of an uproar trying to get the kids back on their schedules and everything but we're starting to get back to "normal" what days are good for you? My hubby is off fri - mon and our anniversary is this weekend so we can do couples or after monday we can do a play date :)

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  11. Can I "love" this post! P.s. i think you always look fabulous ;) you know I do!

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  12. people that stare at us and gawk while they are in their perfectly pressed shirts, fake tans, and perfectly manicured nails are extremly envious. they wish they had the courage to face the world as is and becomfortable knowing they are not perfect and their children as well. I love hearing or seeing a good old fashioned fit. life is hard. enjoy the good stuff. smile and laugh because one day our kids wont be here to throw fits anymore .

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  13. This is great! Thanks for sharing!

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  14. Were you at lunch with Natalie Steup Pease and I yesterday?? My 2 year-old cried the entire time and I got lots of those questioning eyes. Thanks for sharing and letting me know that I am not alone!

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  15. Well said. I always feel this, especially now that we have four. People think we're crazy for wanting God to bless us with more children, and I feel so judged. Like they have to be perfectly dressed and well behaved whenever we go out, or we get those onlookers and I know what they're thinking: "THIS is why we only have two kids, THIS is why no on should have so many kids. It's really sad how our society thinks today. That children are a burden, that children are expensive, that children keep you from traveling and doing all the things that you want to do. What a blessing from God they are. Yes life is messy right now with so many young ones, but what fun they are. You are on my page girl :)

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  16. LOL! Why is it that people see you carrying two kids in your arms and dragging one b/c he/she is latched onto your leg with the death clamp, and instead of opening the door, they feel it's their appointment in life to tell you that "you have your hands full"? Really? Do I? I feel your pain, Candra. Love your blog!!

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  17. Erin- I didn't even notice it was your two year old crying! Didn't bother me a bit!!

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  18. nice one . Like it

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  19. Love it, Candra. Admitedly, I've caught myself judging in some form or fashion over the years, but as I've had kids I now catch myself and try to quickly repent. You never, ever know the full story, period. May God give me a fresh dose of compassion and a quickness of Spirit to offer help or encouragement in those times.

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  20. confession: i was the "i can't believe that mom is letting that kid _____" mom. now i am the "you become what you judge" mom! my three little ones are from another planet! i love them and i choose my battles! naked, dirty, screaming, farting, sitting on TOP of the car buggie at kroger, whatever...just don't hurt anyone else while you're doing it! thanks for the post girl!

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  21. people that stare at us and gawk while they are in their perfectly pressed shirts, fake tans, and perfectly manicured nails are extremly envious. they wish they had the courage to face the world as is and becomfortable knowing they are not perfect and their children as well. I love hearing or seeing a good old fashioned fit. life is hard. enjoy the good stuff. smile and laugh because one day our kids wont be here to throw fits anymore .

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  22. thankfully, i had my last three after years of inner healing courses and counseling! the kids and i could have really messed each other up! i am so much better at comforting other moms now!

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  23. I love this post. I can so relate to it. In reference to the having kids close together, my favorite remark (hear that sarcasm?) is "You know, they know what causes that now." Sheesh.

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