Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Unexpected Circumstances in Life



I find myself feeling distant from God sometimes. I counsel myself like I would a friend...

"Have you been reading your bible?"
"Have you been praying?"
"Are you listening to worship music?"
"Do you need to forgive someone?"

But it doesn't seem to help. Even if I do all the right things...I still feel the space between us. It creeps up on me at the oddest of times. The proof in my lack of smiling or my short temper. 

I-don't-want-to-feel-this-way

I stood near the lake two nights ago, near sunset, holding Moses while the other boys were off trotting after Daddy into the woods...in search of a deer. 

I could hear the sound of nothing...outside...and inside.

 I held him close and sang to him. 
[Well, I sang to both of us. I needed to hear it too.]

"I love you not because you did something.
I love you not because you didn't do something.
I love you because you're mine."

I'm thankful that God uses our relationship with our children to show us his affections towards us. Because, if feeling bad, wasn't bad enough, you feel guilty for feeling bad. I needed [still need] a reminder of his unconditional affections for me.

Without going into it, we've had several unexpected circumstances [one-after-another] that have caused Charles to have to work this week and devote a large amount of time to that instead of just vacationing at the ranch with us. I'm overly grateful for his attitude and willingness, and am not bitter at him...so much as the situation.

[I am fully aware that our present situations are nothing compared to others
but still they fill like something to me.]

Yes we're still playing. Yes it's still better than him working 50 hours a week [or 60 or 70 or 80 or 100], but it's just not the way...I planned.

Is it a sin to be bitter at a situation?

I've been realizing that when things don't turn out the way I thought they would...I don't seem to respond correctly. Or at least not quickly. 

I feel like the deer Charles and the boys went chasing after...

...dazed
...stopped in its tracks
...thinking
...not running
...not moving on
...not attempting to live [fully]

Situation, just shoot me. Kill me. I'm too shocked this has happen to me to move.

Does anyone else ever get so rocked by the circumstances of life?

I just keep reminding myself that in a year we'll laugh about the past few weeks, but for now, it's just a bit slow going.

Currently I'm searching The Father, The Word, The Spirit to find a remedy for my poor response. I want joy. I want "bring it on...my Daddy's got this" attitude. I want my mind on things above.

I'm learning loss is an opportunity to either loose more than was stolen, or anticipate it's [double] return. Time was stolen from us this week, I want to keep moving, and not let it steal the life today still holds.

I pray the same for you.

"And the LORD restored Job’s losses when he prayed for his friends. Indeed the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before." -Job 42:10

8 comments:

  1. I love it, I don't think you know how encouraged I am by todays blog. May the LORD Bless you and comfort you. Read and spend time with Him because He wants to spend time with you.
    I'm not sure if you remember me, I have a blog named Dinky's Hum Drum Journal. I started a Thrusday Thankgivng Top Ten because of you. Thank you! I have another blog Bridget 247's blog, it's about what God shares with me (devotions) Have a great day.

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  2. I can so relate to this as well. Many hugs to you in this tough time. Praying as always! Things are going to turn around. Calamity go in Jesus name!
    Thank goodness for a sense of humor :)

    Just keep thinking about relaxing this time next week on a cruise ship with all the food you can eat and sleep you want to get!!!!

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  3. P.S. Moses looks sooo grown up standing there with his brothers and Dad.

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  4. Girl, you can so elquently share the horrible things that are going on in your heart. Well said...and it's just Jesus that we can count on in every situation. I've had a rough year. I've gone through so many emotions. You can always know the right things to do, but really feeling them in my heart is where I struggle most. I hope your heart starts singing again. I can certainly relate, and it totally stinks when we let stupid (tho valid) stuff steal our joy. Love ya...and have a wonderful time on your cruise!

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  5. I hope things turn around soon. I know how you feel. I think we all feel that way at times.

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  6. Thank y'all for your support! Your comments were so encouraging.

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  7. I going back and commenting on all the posts I've meant to comment on while I've been gone. Love you, love how big the boys are getting, love that we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Praying for an increase of "polly positive", "trusting trudy", and "steadfast suzy" moments for us in 2011!

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  8. Hi Candra, I found you thru kidzlist.com of all places and have loved reading your blog. Boy, I'm right there with you today though. It looks like our world may be rocked more than any of us wants. I know God has a plan for our family and where He wants us, but these are scary uncertain times. I did need that friend today to counsel me to read, pray and more! I'll head to a new bible study tonight and pray that God will meet me there. But I want to have the right attitude by the time hubby(who's had a really rough day) get's home. Thanks so much for being real. You never know who is reading and when! And LOVE the camo jammies! Too sweet!

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